Puttin' 'Em Through the Program
by MegHarts
Summary: The Marauders are the most sexist people on the planet. Lily has had enough, and she decides to teach them a lesson along with her environment-consious friend. Completed
1. Quidditch Tryouts

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, so all complaints go directly to JK. 

`*`*`*`

**Chapter One** _Quidditch Tryouts_

    Lily Evans and Grace Greenleaf were hard at work in the Gryffindor common room when there was a ruckus at the portrait hole. 

     "What time is it?" Lily asked Grace. 

     "Eleven," she answered. 

     "The Marauders," they said together, and went back to work as though nothing had happened. 

    Sure enough, James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew came in the commons. They didn't look very happy, in fact, Peter and James seemed to be mad at Sirius. They all looked in desperate need of a shower. 

     "Padfoot, how could you?" James cried. 

     "I wasn't thinking," replied Sirius sheepishly. 

     "No," said James, "you weren't. You could have hurt someone!" 

    They continued up the stairs into their room. 

    The two sixth year girls stared at each other in shock. 

     "Wow," said Lily, "whatever that was about, I'm glad I'm not there." 

     "Yeah, I wonder what they did this time," said Grace. 

     "They didn't say anything to us, it must have been bad." 

     "Yeah, no sexist comments." 

     "I wonder how we got off so easily." 

`*`*`*`

     James walked into the Great Hall by himself the next day. Sirius was with Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall, and Serverus Snape. Remus was at the hospital wing, and Peter was asleep. 

     James looked around to see where he could sit. He glanced over at a group of girls who were all giggling, a group of guys all talking about Quidditch, the random people who were hurriedly finishing their homework for their first period, and his gaze fell on two girls. 

     One had red hair and green eyes and was petite, and the other had brown hair and brown eyes, and was taller. He placed them as Lily Evans and Grace Greenleaf, who were in his classes, but he never talked to them. 

     "The ministry over in the United States is having a lot of problems with the muggle government. Apparently, not enough is being done about the pollution all the muggles are causing. I went there over break, and let me tell you, it was in sad shape. I saw a lake that looked more like a garbage dump. The forests! Oh the forests! They're in SUCH bad shape. Whole forests have been destroyed," Grace was saying to Lily. 

     "That's horrible," said Lily. 

     "Yeah, muggles destroy everything, don't they?" James added. 

     Lily and Grace both turned and glared at him. 

     "You do realize that we're both muggle born," ssaid Lily. 

     James didn't seem fazed by this at all. 

     "Oh, I don't mean you. You're witches. Mind if I sit here?" He sat down without bothering to listen to their answer. 

     "Make yourself right at home," said Grace sarcastically. 

     "Thanks," smiled James. 

     He proceeded to pile food on his plate. 

     "Wow," said Lily, "I don't eat that much in a week." 

     "Yeah," said James, "but women usually don't. I mean, they don't need it like we men do." 

     "Excuse me," said Lily, "what is that supposed to mean?" 

     "Woah," said James, "I didn't mean for you to take offense. It's just that…" he trailed off. 

     "Just that what?" asked Grace. 

     "Just that girls don't have to do as much as guys. I mean, we have to work and support you. You just stay at home and take care of the children and clean the house." 

`*`*`*`

     He left the Great Hall and ran into Sirius, who burst out laughing at the sight of him. 

     "Thanks, Prongs," he said, "I haven't laughed like that in awhile." 

     A green-haired James turned his tentacle-covered face, and put the gaze of his now red eyes on Sirius, "I had a bit of a disagreement with two girls." 

     "If that's a bit of an agreement, I don't want to see a lot of a disagreement." 

     "Haha, very funny. Let's all laugh at James." 

     "Okay, if you insist." Sirius then laughed several times, while pointing at James. 

     "SHUT UP! Just unhex me already!" 

     Sirius stopped. "Why should I unhex you?" 

     "Cuz if you don't Snape is going to find out that you're secretly gay and that you love him." 

     "I am NOT gay!" 

     "That's not what Snape's gonna think." 

     "Fine, I'll unhex you!" 

     He unhexed James, and a sad look took his face again. 

     "I've been banned from Quidditch." 

     "YOU'VE WHAT??????????" cried James. 

     "Been banned from Quidditch." 

     "Says who?" 

     "McGonagall." 

     "Who does she think she is?" 

     "Um, I'm guessing a teacher." 

     "Yeah, well, what gives her the right to kick you off the team?" 

     "James, listen to yourself! She's a TEACHER. Maybe I should refresh your memory as to what a teacher is. A teacher teaches students, that'd be us. She can deal out punishment, which she does, to people who have done something wrong, like me." 

     "Who does she think she is?" repeated James, clearly not listening to whatever Sirius was saying. "The match between Slytherin is in a month! We'd have to train someone COMPLETELY new!" 

     "Well, you're gonna have to hold tryouts, cuz I can't play 'till next year." 

     "Why? I mean, Snape's ok! He didn't get bitten or die!" 

     "I know. I pointed that out to McGonagall and she claimed that I had no feelings for other human beings." 

     "I could have told you that." 

     "Hey! I care about my fellow human beings." 

     "Yeah, your FEMALE, fellow human beings." 

     "Ya know what? Let's just drop this and post something up in the commons about a new beater." 

     "Ok." 

`*`*`*`

    Grace and Lily came into the commons after their last class of the day to see a group of people clustered around a sign. 

    The group was talking excitedly. 

    "I wonder what's going on," said Lily. 

    "Shall we find out?" 

     "I guess." 

    They walked over to where everyone was standing, and craned their necks, trying to read the sign. 

_

**Quidditch Tryouts**

_

The Gryffindor team needs a new beater! 

Tryouts are being held tomorrow after classes. 

Go Lions! 

~James Potter, Captain~ 

     "Wow Lils!" said Grace. "You should try out! You're an awesome beater!" 

    Lily smiled, "Thanks, I think I will tryout. You should too." 

     "Me? But I'm not as good as you." 

     "Yes you are! Besides, it's good practice." 

    They did their homework halfheartedly, both thinking about the next day. 

`*`*`*`

     "Alright," said James the next day, "you'll be trying for the beater position. We're looking for someone tough, someone who's not afraid of their own shadow. We have a match against Slytherin, and we want to win!" 

    Cheering emitted from the crowd. 

     "During the tryouts," James continued, "we will watch all of your skills. You will have to do a lap around the field, then we'll throw 10 bludgers at you, and you'll have to hit the target we provide for you." 

    He pointed at Sirius, who was bringing out a life-size, cardboard cutout of Snape. It was scowling, but would repeatedly scratch his head as though he was confused. "Quidditch?" it said. "I dunno much about Quidditch. Is that a sport?" 

    Laughter came throughout the crowd. 

     "My God," said Lily, rolling her eyes, "they never give up the Snape thing, do they?" 

     "No. They never give up throwing their trash in the lake, either. Have you ever talked to the giant squid about it? He is SO upset about it. The merpeople aren't very fond of them either." 

     "The giant squid told you that? How do you communicate with the giant squid." 

     "I speak for the animals. Oh, and there's a special charm Professor Flitwick told me." 

     "Can you teach it to me sometime?" 

     "Yeah, maybe I'll tell it to the Marauders, too. They can hear first hand how they suck at keeping our environment safe." 

     "Evans," cried James, "you're up. Let's see what you can do!" 

    Grace wished Lily good luck, and Lily started on her lap. 

    She was by far the fastest. Even James couldn't hide his admiration of that. Sirius hadn't even had been that fast. 

    She managed to get all ten of the bludgers in Snape, which was a feat no one else had managed. There was also the impressive touch that the bludgers had made a big L shape. 

    Grace also did alright. She wasn't as fast as Lily, but she managed to get all the bludgers in Snape. 

    They rest of the tryouts were guys. Everyone, however, knew that Lily would make the team, because she was by far the best. 

    Which explained why Lily was so upset the next day when she looked at who had made the team, and saw Frank Longbottom's name. 

     "What?!" cried Grace. "How could he not have chosen you? You were by far the best! Frank couldn't hold a candle to you!" 

    Lily didn't say anything, but she went over and congratulated Frank. 

    She then went over to James, who was laughing with his friends. 

     "James, could I have a word with you?" she asked. 

     "Look, if it's gonna be yelling at me about the whole Quidditch thing, forget it," he answered. 

     "It's not." 

     "Ok." They walked over to a corner. 

     "I wanted to know why I didn't get picked. Just for future reference," she hastily added. 

     "Oh, that. Well, you fly quite well and you did a fine job on the poster of Snape." 

     "Well, it all becomes clear now why you didn't pick me," she said sarcastically. 

     "Well, you fly well for a GIRL. But we don't need a GIRL, we need a Quidditch player." 

     "JAMES POTTER! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOU DIDN'T PICK ME FOR THE TEAM JUST BECAUSE I'M FEMALE?!" cried Lily, outraged. 

     "Lily, Quidditch is a man's sport. It's too rough for a girl, you might get hurt or break a nail or something." 

     A fuming-mad Lily walked up to her room, not trusting herself to speak to James. 

`*`*`*`

A/n: oooo, I think everyone hates James now. Don't worry. Lily's strong. She knows how to deal with him! 

Please review and tell me what you think! 


	2. Step One: Get 'em Started

`*`*`*`

**Step One:** _Get 'em Started_

    Lily was still fuming as she went to dinner that day. 

    She went to the Great Hall with Grace. 

    "BECAUSE YOU'RE A GIRL?!" Grace cried. "What is that supposed to mean? I'm going over to talk to him right now!" 

    "No, Grace, please don't," said Lily. "I've already talked to him about it." 

    "Um, yeah, but he gave you a pretty bad answer." 

    Before Lily could stop her, Grace went right up to James. He was talking to Sirius, and surrounded by girls. 

    "Well, for being a sexist pig, you sure do hang around girls a lot!" she cried. 

    "A pig?" cried James. "What did I ever do to deserve being called a pig?" 

    "I'm the one who's asking the questions here!" 

    "But-" 

    "No buts, Potter. You're gonna have to deal with that. Now, you didn't choose Lily because she's a girl?" 

    "That's not the whole reason." 

    "NOT THE WHOLE REASON??????? IT SHOULDN'T EVEN BE PART OF IT!" 

    Lily came over at this point, and grabbed Grace's arm. 

    "Sorry," she said to James. 

    "Don't you say sorry to him! He's the one who should be saying he's sorry!" 

    "Grace," said James, "why do you hate me so much?" 

    "Because you are a sexist pig and unenvironmentally friendly!" 

    "Unenvironmentally friendly? What do you mean? I am too environmentally friendly." 

    "Oh yeah?" 

    "Yeah." 

    "Well, why don't you tell that to Jones!" 

    "Jones? Who the heck is Jones?" 

    "Exactly! You'll never find out because you killed him!" 

    "Look, I've never killed anyone in my life!" 

    Grace glared at him. "Oh yes you have!" 

    "Who?" 

    "Jones!" 

    "Who is Jones?!" 

    "Jones is a squirrel!" 

    "A _squirrel_?!" 

    "Yes, a squirrel!" 

    "You named a squirrel?" asked Sirius, laughing. 

    "Oh, don't laugh, Black. You named your socks, why can't I name a squirrel?" 

    Sirius looked at James, "Ok, who told her about Mr. Knotely?!" 

    James ignored Sirius, "Ok, when did I murder this Jones person?" 

    "When you threw your garbage in the forest!" 

    "How did that kill him?" 

    "He swallowed it, and it killed him!" 

    There were gasps and looks of shocks from all the girls. 

    "Jamsie, you killed a squirrel?" one of them asked. 

    "You bitch!" cried Sirius jokingly. 

    James shrugged. "I guess." 

    "You guess?!" cried Grace. "You _GUESS_?! JAMES POTTER, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF I MURDERED SIRIUS AND SAID I GUESSED I DID IT?!" 

    "Yeah," said Sirius, crossing his arms and looking amused, "how WOULD you feel?" 

    "Does it really matter?" asked James. 

    "Yes," said Sirius and Grace together. 

    "I would feel hurt, I think." 

    "You _think_?" asked Sirius, indignantly. 

    "Well, let's find out," said Grace, attempting to strangle Sirius. 

    "MISS GREENLEAF!" shouted Professor McGonagall. Grace turned to her. "What are you doing?!" 

    "Well, Professor," said Grace calmly, "Mr. Black here was getting on my nerves." 

    "Well, that doesn't give you a right to strangle him. If it did, I would have killed him long ago." 

    "PROFESSOR!" cried out Sirius. 

    "Ah, it's the truth," said James. "Don't question it." 

    Sirius shrugged, "Yeah, alright." 

    "Now," said Professor McGonagall, "I don't want to hear any more yelling over here. It's annoying those of us who are trying to eat." 

    "Yes, Professor," they all murmered. 

`*`*`*`

    "James has been avoiding me," said Grace in the common room after classes the next day. 

    "I wonder why," said Lily sarcastically. 

    "I think it may be because I took half of his fan club away when I told them that he killed that squirrel. Who knew that Hufflepuffs card about squirrels so much?" Grace gave an evil smile, "Maybe now he'll reconsider where he puts his garbage." 

    "I don't think so." 

    "Oh you don't? I'll bet he's having second thoughts already." 

    Lily gave a doubtful smile. 

    "You don't believe me?" Grace asked. 

    "Not in the least." 

    "Well, let's just see." 

    "He's at Quidditch practice right now. Something about training a new beater." 

    "Oh is he? Let's go to Hagrid's hut." 

    "Whatever for?" 

    "Well, I want to see if he's found anymore dead animals, plus, it has a perfect view of the Quidditch pitch." 

    She dragged Lily out of the room. 

`*`*`*`

    "Hi Hagrid!" said Grace. 

    "Grace! I've been won'erin' when you were goin' 'o come!" said Hagrid. 

    "Bad news?" asked Grace. 

    "Terrible. I foun' ano'er one o' those squirrel thingies you like so much." 

    "In what condition?" 

    "Dead." 

    "DEAD?! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT EVEN AFTER I'VE TALKED TO HIM ABOUT IT, HE STILL IS OFF MURDERING POOR, INNOCENT SQUIRRELS?" 

    Lily sighed, "Hagrid, we're off to the Quidditch pitch." 

    Grace had her arms crossed as they made their way to the pitch. Lily directed her to the stands. 

    "Sit," she directed. Grace sat. 

    They watched practice; well, Grace spent it glaring at James. Lily, though, did watch. She admired the flying skills of some of the team. Unfortuantly, Grace caught her just as her eyes started to watch James. 

    "You are watching him?" she asked. 

    "Yes," Lily answered, "I'm watching the whole team." 

    "Why are you watching the enemy?! Don't tell me you like him!" 

    "Ok, I won't." 

    "You LIKE HIM?!" 

    "NO!" 

    "YOU CAN'T ADMIRE THE ENEMY!" 

    "Grace, we're starting to catch the attention of the team," repiled a red-faced Lily. 

    "Good. THEN THE MUDERERS CAN REALIZE WHAT THEY'VE DONE!" 

    "Are you still going on about the squirrels?" James yelled down. 

    "Still?! _STILL_?!" Grace cried. 

    "Yes, STILL. S-T-I-L-L," answered James. 

    "Thanks for the spelling lesson. I'll be glad to return the favor when I teach you how to spell 'throwing away garbage.'" 

    James had landed in the stands by them by now. "Is that a threat?" he asked. 

    "I dunno, IS it?" Grace asked. 

    "If you were a guy I'd already have punched you." 

    "If she was a guy?" cried Lily. "What's wrong with her now?" 

    "Well, she's female. Or are you?" he turned to Grace. 

    He had hit a nerve with Lily, and was well past his breaking point with Grace. 

    "YOU THINK THAT ANY GIRL WHO CAN STAND UP FOR HERSELF EXHIBITS MALE QUALITIES? WELL, MISTER POTTER, LEMME TELL YOU SOMETHING! I COULD WHIP YOUR ARSE ANY DAY OF THE WEEK," cried Lily. 

    "Except today," said Grace, rolling up her sleeves, "cuz today's my turn." 

    "Look," said James, "I know you girls think you can, but you can't. Please, don't waste my time." 

    With that, he flew off. 

    Lily was holding back Grace, who was crying "Let me at 'em. LET ME AT 'EM!" 

    "NO, GRACE! We're going to teach him a lesson. We'll figure out some other way." 

    Grace took a deep breath. "Fine, but I could so beat him." 

`*`*`*`

    Grace and Lily made their way off the pitch. Practice had been over after their little outburst with James, so there wasn't anyone left. Or so they thought. 

    "Wait," Lily said to Grace, "isn't that James going into the forest?" 

    "With Sirius and Peter? Yep, sure looks like it." 

    They turned and gave each other evil smiles. 

    "Let's catch him before he kills anymore squirrels!" said Grace. 

    They slunked off behind the three boys. 

    "What are they doing here?" asked Grace. 

    "We'll find out soon I think." 

    Then, the boys were no longer there. In their places were a buck, a dog, and a rat. 

    Lily and Grace looked at each other with open mouths. 

    Then Lily smiled, "Well, maybe we can blackmail them." 

    "Yes," said Grace, "that will work." 

`*`*`*`

    "Oh James," said Lily the next day when he was walking down the hall. 

    "Yeah?" said James. 

    "Grace and I were talking, and we've come to an agreement." 

    "About what?" 

    "About your sexist, unenvironmentally-conscious ways." 

    "I am not either!" 

    "Yes you are, don't argue. We've decided you and your little marauder friends are going to take improvement lessons." 

    James laughed, "Right Lily! You're really funny for a girl!" 

    Lily winced. "EXACTLY what I mean." 

    "Lily, you can't make us do anything." 

    "You know what, you're right. I'll just go tell Professor McGonagall." She turned and started to walk away, but James grabbed her arm and turned her around. 

    "Tell Professor McGonagall what?" he asked. 

    "About what Grace and I saw yesterday in the forest." 

    "What did you see?" asked James, growing panic on his face. 

    "I saw," she whispered into his ear so no one else could hear, "a rat, buck, and dog eating a squirrel." 

    Anyone else who heard would have thought she was nuts, but James understood right away. 

    "Oh really," he said, trying to play cool. "How odd." 

    "Yes, I thought so too. Grace and I knew at once that these animals were SPECIAL." 

    "Lily! You can't tell anyone!" 

    "Who's gonna stop me?" 

    "Please," said James on his knees. "We have our reasons! I'll do anything!" 

    "Well, I would being willing to keep my mouth shut if you take the lessons." 

    "Of course!" 

    "Seriously take the lessons." 

    "We will!" 

    "Good," she smiled. 

    "Then you won't tell anyone?" 

    "Tell anyone what?" Lily asked, and with that she walked away. She walked over to Grace, and the two shared a high five. 

    "Step one accomplished," said Lily. 

`*`*`*`

A/N: 8 reviews?????? i love you guys!!!!! i hope u see fit 2 review again *hint, hint* 

citrus scented: my first reviewer! i hope you enjoyed this chapter! 

Hanna-chan: i updated! i'm glad u liked the story! 

WindRider-Damia: this is just the start of her getting back at james. 

Blackberry Blitz: i'm glad you like it! (james is a butthead, i agree!) 

RvnclwPrincess: james is sexist. sry. 

kitkat: i haven't seen any james sexist stories either. glad u liked it! 

Chrissy-tine: damn straight we're the stronger sex! :) 

LoverOfAllThingsLegolas: yep, u go Grace!. 


	3. Step Two: Admitting the Problem

`*`*`*`

**Step Two:** _Admitting the Problem_

    "Good afternoon, class!" said Lily cheerfully to the Marauders the next day (actually only James and Sirius. Remus wasn't in the forest with them, and Peter was just guilty by association). 

    "The good part is an opinion," mumbled Sirius. 

    They were in the Charms room. Professor Flitwick had given the room to his favorite student (Lily) when she had asked if she could use it for a project. 

    "Now, the first lesson is going to be about realization," said Lily. 

    "Yes, you must admit that you have a problem before you can correct it," added Grace. 

    "Alright," said Sirius, "I admit I have a problem. Can I go now?" 

    "Mr. Black," said Lily, "I don't believe that you said that sincerely." 

    "Duh," he muttered. 

    "What was that?" asked Lily. 

    "Oh, nothing. I was just commenting on what lovely weather we're having for this time of year," he said. 

    Lily wasn't stupid, "Oh, really. Mr. Black, may I remind you that your Hogwarts career is at stake here. You'd better behave and do as we say." 

    "Tyrant," he muttered. 

    "Oh, and stop muttering under your breath," said Grace. "We can hear every word you say." 

    "Now," said Lily, "we don't expect you to admit anything today." 

    "Yeah," said Grace, "you're all way too far gone to realize what you're doing this early on." 

    "Bet you a galleon that it takes them a month at least," whispered Grace to Lily. 

    "I'm in. I say a week." 

    "A week?" 

    "When I'm through with them," she smiled. 

    "What are you two talking about?" asked James. 

    "Nothing," they said together. 

    "Please," said Sirius. "That was the most obvious lie I've ever heard in my life. I'm a prankster. Lies are my specialty." 

    "You've caught us," said Lily. "Grace and I were talking about how sexy you boys look right now." 

    Sirius gave a superior smile, "See, I knew you were lying. Now, tell me more about how sexy you think I am." 

    "Well, so sexy that we've decided to take you two out on a date and cancel today's class," said Lily. 

    "Well," said Sirius, "then we'll have to be leaving. Meet you in the common room at 9." He winked, and they both departed. 

    Grace looked at Lily as though she was insane, "We're going on a date with them?" 

    Lily smiled, "You'll see. This one will work out great." 

`*`*`*`

    James and Sirius didn't come into the common room until 11. 

    "Well, let's find Grace and Lily, then," said Sirius. 

    There was no one in the common room. 

    "They've stood us up!" cried Sirius. 

    A note came sailing down. 

_Damn straight we've stood you up. Not only were we planning to anyway, but you we're TWO HOURS late! That is a big no-no. I guess you could say it's your first true lesson. Class tomorrow at 4:30 PM. Be there, or be expelled. It's your choice. _

Fondly, 

Grace and Lily 

    "Fondly?! Yeah right!" said Sirius. 

    "I can't believe they're being so harsh about this," said James. "I mean, I've been four hours late before with no complaints." 

    _Maybe they have a point,_ said a voice in his head. "Shut up!" he said. 

    "What?!" cried Sirius. "I wasn't talking!" 

    "I know," said James. They walked upstairs. 

    "You know, James," said Sirius, "the voices in your head don't usually answer back. Trust me, I know these things." 

    "How'd you know I was talking to the voices in my head?" 

    "Lucky guess. Insane people normally do, I'm told." 

    "I'm not insane!" 

    "No? Then why are you talking to the voices in your head?" 

    "Nothing better to do." 

`*`*`*`

    James and Sirius were already seated when Lily and Grace came walking in. 

    "You're late," said James, thinking if he could somehow make them feel guilty they would be nicer. Or at least make the lesson shorter. 

    "No, Mr. Potter," said Lily. "It's exactly 4:30. But since I know that you're so eager to start, we'll reward you by making class extra long." 

    "What?!" cried Sirius. "I don't share that feeling with James! You were both very early!" 

    "Nice try," said Lily. 

    "Now, let's get started," said Grace. "But wait, first I think this place needs a little something." 

    "Yes," Lily agreed, "it does." 

    "Food?" suggested Sirius. 

    "Okay," said Grace. She muttered a spell. 

    Food came pouring down on the two. 

    "What the heck?!" cried James. 

    "It's garbage from the lake," said Grace. "The giant squid and merpeople have to live in that. We thought you'd like a little taste of it, too." 

    "I did NOT throw all this garbage in there," said James. 

    "Yeah," said Grace, "you're right. Sirius helped." 

    Sirius shrugged, "Yeah, she's right." 

    "Oh wait," said Grace, "we're missing something." She took something out of her bag, and placed it on Sirius' desk. 

    "Ew!" said James, when he saw what it was. 

    "Aw, is this poor Jones?" asked Sirius. 

    "No," replied Grace, "this is his wife, Jane." 

    "Squirrels can get married?" asked Sirius. 

    "No, but that's not the point." 

    "Then why is Jane his wife?" 

    "Sirius Black, you would try a saint's patience!" cried Grace. 

    "Then it's a good thing you're no saint," he replied. 

    She walked right up to him, pulled him up by his ear, and kicked him on the shins. 

    She then walked back over to Lily, and continued talking as though Sirius wasn't rolling on the ground in pain. 

    "So, class what have we learned?" she asked. 

    James raised his hand. 

    "Yes, James?" 

    "Never upset Professor Greenleaf." 

    "Very good." 

    Sirius gave a groan from the floor. 

    "Grace, why'd you kick him?" asked Lily after class. 

    "Well, he wasn't listening. Sometimes you have to take extreme measures. Besides, I doubt he'll talk in class as much." 

    Lily knew she was right. Grace could kick pretty hard. 

`*`*`*`

    James and Sirius came back from the hospital wing at dinner. Madam Pomfrey hadn't asked why Sirius had shattered a bone in his shin, she had simply mended it. They walked straight over Lily and Grace. 

    "Sirius has something to say to Grace," said James. 

    Grace turned expectantly, "Yes?" 

    "I-I, I'm s-s-sorry," he finally got out. 

    Grace smiled, "Apology accepted." 

    "Oh," said James, "there's something else." 

    "Yes?" the two girls said together. 

    "W-we admit we have a problem." 

    The two quickly ran out of the Great Hall, grabbing some food as they left. 

    Lily turned to Grace, "Two days? That's closer to a week than a month." 

    "You're not getting your galleon 'til I get proof they've changed. I'll bet they've gone off to talk about how heartless and pathetic females are." 

    "Well," said Lily, "there is one way to check and see if they've changed." 

    "Oh yeah?" asked Grace. "What would that be?" 

    Lily pointed to two girls. "See those two girls over there?" 

    "Yeah, they're kinda hard to miss. They are two of the most desired girls in the school." 

    "Even for Sirius and James," smiled Lily. "The brunette one owes me a favor. I helped her in charms." 

    Grace gave a huge smile as she caught on. "You mean?" 

    "Yes. Let's wait 'til their male fan base calms down, though." 

    They laughed. Sirius and James SO had it coming. 

`*`*`*`

A/n: Oh come on, like i wsa gonna let those 2 off so easy. No, they're too big of arses to let off. i'm gonna make 'em suffer. besides, Rome wasn't built in 2 days. 

The actual Grace, who the character in this story is based off of, has some words 4 all of u: Everyone, the environment DOES need a lot of help, and if u could also beat up any sexist guys u meet, that would help too. 

Thanks Grace, ur words of wisdom shall help us through life, i'm sure. 

thanks 2 all the beautiful ppl who reviewed! kudos 2 all of u! 

rosezgarden- o BOY r james and sirius gonna get it. i'm glad u like the story! 

Little House Girl- i'm glad u like the story! 

Princess Pixie ice- i'm sry the summary offends u, but it'd b hard 2 change w/o changing the story. just pretend it says sexiest instead of sexist. i'm glad u like the story, though. 

zwizwi- lily and grace r gonna teach them lesson they won't soon 4get. 

citrus scented- thanx 4 putting me on ur fav. list! i'm honored! 

LoverOfAllThingsLegolas- i hope u read the authors note! 

Angl- i hope u liked this chapter! 

Stormie Night- ur right, james is sexist 2 the point where it's funny. unfortuantly, he's based off of reall ppl. 

Chrissy & Ally- i'm glad y'all like it! thanx 4 reviewing this story 2! 

Alia- james is the biggest git in the world. i'm gonna have so much fun changing him! 


	4. Step Three: Learning From Mistakes

`*`*`*`

**Step Three:** _Learning From Mistakes_

    The next class was concluding, with not very much mishap from James and Sirius. 

    Lily smiled, "Wow, you guys are doing so well!" 

    "Yeah," added Grace, "we're really impressed." 

    "Well," said Sirius, "our four-legged friends are very important. We should keep earth clean for them." 

    Grace looked like she could have kissed him. "I'm buying you butterbeers for that!" 

    Sirius smiled, "It's a date! This Hogsmeade weekend!" 

    "This time we won't be late," James added. 

    When they left, Lily turned to Grace, "That was almost too easy." 

`*`*`*`

    Someone tapped James on the shoulder. He turned to find Leslie Halloway, a very popular brunette. 

    "Yes?" he said. 

    "Well, Gwen and I were wondering if you and Sirius wanted to meet us for a butterbeer this weekend." 

    James put on a flirtatious smile. "We would be honored." 

    When she left, he ran up to Sirius. "Sirius, guess who the two hottest guys in the school are going out with this weekend!" 

    "Lily and Grace," responded Sirius. 

    "Damn, no! I forgot about that!" 

    "What'd you do?" 

    "I accepted invitations from Leslie and Gwen." 

    "LESLIE AND GWEN?!" 

    "Yeah, but now that we already had plans…" 

    "THE Leslie and Gwen?!" 

    "Sirius, it's Leslie and Gwen," said Remus. "That is what James said." 

    "I know, but we _have_ to go with them! This is way too big to turn down." 

    "But what do we do about Grace and Lily?" asked James. 

    Sirius thought for a moment. "Well, we could cancel." 

    "Imagine explaining WHY we're canceling to them." 

    "Good point. We could go out with both of them." 

    "At the same time?" 

    "Yeah, happens in books all the time." 

    That should have been their hint that things were doomed. 

`*`*`*`

    They met Leslie and Gwen, and started leading them to a table. But Grace and Lily were only two tables away. 

    Sirius turned Gwen around and said, "You know what? I think this table has too much sunlight. Sunshine can kill you, so lets go to this _darker_ part right here." 

    James caught his drift, "Yeah," he steered Leslie away from the table, "too much sun isn't fun." 

    "But I love the sun!" insisted Gwen. "We should sit there!" 

    "Me, too!" agreed Leslie. 

    "But, er, James is _allergic_ to the sun," said Sirius. 

    "I'm what?! What a load of- oh, I mean I _am_. I always break out in those nasty hive things," said James. 

    "But you play Quidditch outside," said Gwen. 

    "Yes, but I, er, take a potion for it, and I forgot today," said James. 

    "Oh," said Leslie. "Well, in that case we'd better sit in the darker area." 

    James and Sirius were so relieved that neither saw the amused look that Gwen and Leslie passed. 

    "Well," said Sirius, "James and I are going to go get drinks. You two stay here." He smiled at them. 

    They went over to Lily and Grace's table. 

    "Hey," said Sirius, sitting down. 

    "Sorry we're late!" said James. 

    "It's okay," smiled Lily. 

    "What does everyone want?" asked Sirius jumping up. "James and I will go get it." 

    "Butterbeers," said Lily and Grace together. 

    "Great," said James, also standing up. "We'll go get them." 

    Sirius and James went over to the bar, and got four butterbeers, which they then walked over to Gwen and Leslie's table. 

    "What took you so long?" asked Gwen. 

    "James tripped," said Sirius. 

    "Yeah, Sirius tripped me," said James. "It was horrid, I hit the back of my head on a table." 

    "You poor baby!" cried Leslie. 

    James smiled. "I'll manage alright, I think." 

    "What?" Gwen asked Sirius who had been staring at her. 

    "Did it hurt?" he asked. 

    "Did what hurt?" 

    "When you fell from the sky?" 

    "No. I don't fly." 

    "That's not what I meant," said Sirius. "What I meant was that you looked like an angel." 

    "Did you? Oh, thanks." 

    "Er, Sirius, I have to use the lavatory. Will you accompany me?" asked James. 

    "Fine, fine," said Sirius. 

    They walked over to Lily and Graces table. 

    "Hi," said James, "what'd we miss?" 

    "The butterbeers," said Lily. 

    "What?" said James. 

    "You didn't bring back the butterbeers." 

    "Oh, RIGHT," said James. 

    "Must have slipped our minds. Speaking of slipping, James hit his head on the bar. That's probably why we forgot. He was dripping blood, I had to take to him into the bathroom," said Sirius. 

    "But James is fine right now," said Lily. 

    "Oh, yeah. Er, I healed him with a spell!" said Sirius, sounding proud of himself. 

    "Yeah, I was in a lot of pain," said James. 

    "Oh, you poor thing!" said Lily. "Well, Grace and I can go get the drinks." 

    They both started to get up until James and Sirius shouted, "NOOOOO!" together. Then, they (Grace and Lily) sat down surprised. 

    "I mean," said James, "I'm fine now. I mean, you're always telling us about how we can't treat girls right. We should be the ones getting the drinks, right?" 

    "I guess," said Lily. "If you're sure you feel all right." 

    "Of course I do. Sirius is an excellent healer." 

    "I am, he's right," said Sirius, standing up along with James. They left. 

    "Wow, that was a REALLY good lie. I was almost convinced," said Grace. 

    "I know," said Lily. "This is going to be really interesting." 

    James and Sirius stayed with Gwen and Leslie for about five minutes, then went back to Lily and Grace with the excuse that they were getting more butterbeers. 

    "But you haven't finished yours!" protested Gwen. 

    "Yes, but you have, and we need to get you new ones!" said James. 

    "A true gentleman!" smiled Leslie. 

    They left, and got the butterbeers, looking pleased with themselves as they came to Grace and Lily's table. 

    "What are you two smiling at?" asked Lily. 

    "And why are you so damn late?" asked Grace. 

    "Long line," said Sirius. 

    "But there's no line," said Lily. 

    "Not right now," said James, "but there _was_." 

    "Yeah," said Sirius, "it was bad." 

    "I haven't seen a line," said Grace. 

    "You couldn't see it from there," said Sirius. "It was outside." 

    "Outside? Why?" asked Lily. 

    "It was! I have no idea why," said James. 

    "Alright, we believe you," said Lily. 

    Lily and Grace left to go to the bathroom then, and James and Sirius ran back to Gwen and Leslie's table. 

    They were talking just fine until two shadows crossed the table. 

    "Well, well, well, we leave the table for just one second and look what happened," said Lily. 

    James and Sirius gasped, they knew when they'd been had. 

    "What are you talking about?" asked Gwen. 

    "Potter and Black here. They left our table when we went to the bathroom," said Grace. 

    "But they've been here, with us," said Leslie. 

    "What a coincidence," said Lily, "they've been with us this entire time!" 

    "We can explain!" said Sirius. 

    "Oh really?" asked Grace. 

    "No, not really," said Sirius, looking down. 

    "Well, while you and James think of something, we're gonna go. I'm sure we have a _lot_ to talk about," said Lily. 

    After they left, James turned to Sirius, "We are so screwed." 

    "Yeah," said Sirius. "You know this is gonna mean extra lessons." 

`*`*`*`

    "Wow, that has got to be one of the more interesting times in my life!" said Leslie. 

    "They went to the 'bathroom' about five million times. I mean, I was just about to tell them how obvious they were! They were good at lying for the most part, though," said Gwen. "How'd you know they'd try to do that?" 

    "Oh," said Lily, "a little birdy told us." 

    "Oh Gwen," said Leslie, "you know they can be complete arses." 

    "True, they can be," said Gwen. "It would be so great if the female population would ignore them until they changed!" 

    All four of them smiled at once. 

    "Do you think we could pull it off?" asked Grace. 

    Leslie laughed, "Could we? They'd never be the same!" 

`*`*`*`

A/n: another chapter!!!! yay! i think i'm toturing james and sirius WAY too much. too bad i don't intend on stopping anytime soon. 

besides, it's their own faults. 

PhoenixTears- yeah, i think that males should think of how they treat women. 

OriginalProxy- god, i hate those stories that have britney spears songs in them! it's the seventies, not the ninties people! 

sissy-6- as usual, thanx for the review! 

i o u a name- i forgive you for the whole story thing. i understand that it was probably just a coincidence. or maybe you read my story and forgot that it wasn't ur idea. it happens. 

citrus scented- i hope you found what happened to them ammusing. i am trying to keep it funny, thanx for letting me know i succeeded! 

Angl- i hope you like this chapter better that the others, as well! 

MoonFaith- i will try to work the donkey thing in! 


	5. Step Four: Discipline for Misconduct

`*`*`*`

**Step Four:** _Discipline for Misconduct_

    Lily and Grace walked into the Charms classroom the next day, and didn't even look at James and Sirius. 

    It was as though they hadn't even seen them. 

    "So, Lils," said Grace, "I started talking to Gwen and Leslie. Apparently, they aren't too happy about this." 

    "Oh, I did too," answered Lily. "Leslie told me word has gotten out. I wouldn't be surprised if James and Sirius had a rather hard time of it." 

    "They deserve it, though," said Grace. 

    "Oh, without a doubt," said Lily. "Most girls will be avoiding them." 

    There was a groan behind her. 

    "Oh, Sirius, James," said Lily. "Did you two just get in here? We didn't even notice." 

    "What do you mean 'most girls will be avoiding them?'" 

    "Well," said Lily, "by them I meant _you_. But perhaps you were too busy planning another four-girl date." 

    James and Sirius got out of their seats and went over on their knees to Lily and Grace. They began bowing and saying, "We are not worthy, we are not worthy." 

    "Duh," said Grace. "We knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt." 

    "Can you ever forgive us?" asked Sirius. 

    "We will take it into consideration, but that doesn't mean the female population of Hogwarts will," said Grace. 

    "You forgot Beauxbatons," said Lily. "Gwen has a cousin there who she told _all_ about it." 

    James looked at her, "You're kidding, right?" 

    "Oh, if only I was. You see, many people are beginning to question your behavior." 

    "You're lying," said James. He dragged himself off the ground. "Come on, Sirius. They're just trying to make us worry." 

    They walked out of the room, and Lily and Grace burst into laughter. 

    "They may think we're kidding, but there is no question about it, they are SCRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWED!" said Lily. 

    "They'll come crawling back ready to learn something when they find out how cruel the world can be," said Grace. 

    "Yeah, they'll be crawling all right," said Lily. "After Gwen and Leslie's male fan club is done with them, they'll wish they'd stayed in this classroom." 

    "Gwen and Leslie's fan club?" said Grace. "What they look like will be scratches compared to what the James and Sirius club of Highly Obsessed Girls is going to do to them. From what I've heard, they aren't happy at all." 

    "Ah, yes," said Lily. "I have heard stories that have been circulating all day. They won't make it to the Great Hall." 

`*`*`*`

    James and Sirius walked to the Great Hall. 

    "Who do they think they are? Leslie and Gwen didn't care that much!" said James. "It's just another one of their schemes." 

    "I know! Leslie and Gwen may be hot, but they don't have that much influence. I mean, they're just girls," said Sirius. 

    "Oh, _really_?" said a voice from behind him. 

    Sirius and James whipped around to find a group of boys behind them. 

    The voice had belonging to Ray Chang, a Ravenclaw boy who looked like he was ready to kill Sirius with his bare hands. 

    "So," said Frank Longbottom, "you messed with Gwen and Leslie." He slammed his fist against his hand. "Well, that's not very nice, now is it?" 

    "No!" the rest of the group chorused. 

    "Now guys," said James, "what's all the fuss for? I mean, they _are_ just girls!" 

    "Yeah!" chimed in Sirius. "Nothing too special. I mean, they'll cry about, then be done with it." 

    "GWEN AND LESLIE JUST GIRLS?!" cried another boy. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!" 

    "Boys," said Ray, "I think it's time that Mr. Potter and Mr. Black were taught a lesson on how to treat ladies." 

    "Erm," said Sirius, "that involves being nice, doesn't it?" 

    "Actually," said Ray, "it involves getting sense knocked into your heads." 

    "Oh shit," was Sirius' response as a well-aimed fist came closer and closer to his head. 

`*`*`*`

    "-And then we told some more girls about it at lunch, but it turned out that they already knew all about it!" Gwen was saying. 

    "Oh, Gwen forgot to tell you about how one of the girls went crying to Ray Chang!" said Leslie. "Just now, in fact. He announced it to the Great Hall, a group of guys stood up, and they went off to find James and Sirius!" 

    "Wow!" said Lily. "If it were anyone else, I'd worry about their safety, but Sirius and James have _very_ thick skulls." 

    "Plus they deserve it," said Grace for the thousandth time. 

    "Ah, here comes old Ray himself," said Leslie. 

    He walked on over, grabbed Gwen's hand, and kissed it. "I don't think Black or Potter will be bugging you again," he told her. 

    She smiled at him, "Why, thank you, Ray, but what makes you think they won't bug us anymore?" 

    "Well," said Ray, "let's just say that they'll require a trip to the hospital wing when they wake up." 

    Gwen gave him a hug- something he obviously wasn't expecting- in her glee. 

    "Oh, Ray, thank you soooooooo much! That should teach them!" 

    "N-n-no p-problem," said Ray. "Anything for you, Gwen!" 

    He walked away, looking like he owned the world. 

    "Well, Gwen," said Leslie, "I think you just made his day." 

    Gwen looked confused. "He did us a favor, I was thanking him." 

    "And it was 'n-n-no p-problem,'" said Grace, imitating his stutter. "Please, the kid was practically drooling." 

    Gwen frowned, "No he wasn't. You shouldn't make fun of people's speech impairments." 

    "Gwen," said Lily, "in all the times I've talked to him he's never been speech impaired." 

    "Not even once?" asked Gwen hopefully. 

    Lily shook her head. 

    There was a resounding "ooooooooooo!" 

    Then Sirius and James entered the Great Hall. 

    "Damn!" said an impressed Grace. "Ray may not be able to talk, but he sure can punch!" 

    James and Sirius both had black eyes, bloody lips, and were limping. Bruises were all over their bodies. 

    "Mister Potter! Mister Black!" cried Professor McGonagall, running over. "What is the meaning of this?!" 

    "We were ambushed," groaned Sirius, hoping for sympathy. 

    "By who?" 

    "By Ray Chang, and a group," said James, pointing. 

    The whole Great Hall was listening, as this was a strange thing, so Ray heard every word. 

    "MISTER CHANG!" roared McGonagall. "I WANT AN EXPLAINATION!" 

    "Well, Professor," said Ray calmly, "Potter and Black insulted some female students. We were merely helping them learn their lesson. If you think that's not a justified answer, I suggest you ask them what happened with those girls." 

    Professor McGonagall whipped around. "What have you two done?!" 

    "Erm, well…" said Sirius. 

    "Ray is right, we deserved it," said James sheepishly. 

    "Then may suggest the hospital wing, or do they have that privilege, Mister Chang?" 

    Ray looked over at Gwen who mouthed, 'No way in hell.' 

    "No, Professor. I don't think they've quite learned their lesson yet," said Ray. 

    James and Sirius groaned. 

    "Very well," she said. "Potter, Black, you may go to the hospital wing tomorrow after classes, but no sooner." 

    She walked back to the head table, and the four girls shared high fives. 

    "Well, with that stage of 'Misson Make James and Sirius' Lives a Living Hell' complete, it's now time for step two," said Lily. 

    The girls all laughed. 

    Sirius and James walked over to Gryfindor table to sit down. 

    "That was cruel of her," said Sirius. 

    "Would you rather tell her?" asked James, holding onto his side. "I think I broke a rib." 

    "James, Sirius!" called over Melanie Brightman, a fifth-year member of their fan club. "Come sit with us." 

    James and Sirius smiled at each other. "Well," said James, "maybe everything will be okay after all." 

    They groaned and clutched to their sides the while way over, as a way of building pity. 

    "Oh, hi Melanie," groaned James. 

    "Oh, you poor baby!" she said, carefully helping him sit down. "Did that awful Ray hurt you?" 

    "Yeah," said Sirius, who was also being helped to sit down by another girl. "Him and his evil friends!" 

    "Oh!" said the girl, Stacey. "That's awful!" 

    They were fussed over as they ate. They both took a sip of the pumkin juice. 

    James was all of the sudden healed. "Why thanks, Melanie! You must have-" he was cut off as he realized he could no longer speak. He was being turned into- 

    "A fluffy pink bunny!" cried Lily running over. "Brillant, Mel!" 

    "And I love Sirius the unicorn!" said Grace. 

    "I didn't know that unicorns could be purple!" said Gwen. 

    "Haha!" said Grace. "But you know what? I think I know something better!" She pulled out her wand, and turned Sirius into a squirrel. 

    "A purple squirrel, not bad," admired Stacey. 

    "Okay!" said Lily. "It's picture time!" 

    The group of girls all posed with the pink bunny and purple squirrel. 

    "Brilliant!" said Ray as he took their picture. "Can I have copies of this?" 

    "Of course!" said Grace. "You can get some when we pass them in fliers around the school!" 

    "Wait!" said Lily. "Something isn't right! We can spread around fliers!" 

    "She's right!" cried Gwen. 

    "What?!" said Stacey. "Don't tell me you're having second thoughts!" 

    "Of course we aren't!" said Grace. 

    "Hell no!" said Lily. "What I meant was that we also need a picture of Sirius as a unicorn!" 

    "And Jamsie can be a cutesy wootsey pink dove!" said Leslie. 

    They did the proper spells, and Ray took another picture. 

    "Pure gold. We should sell these," he said. 

    "Are you kidding?" asked Lily, turning James back into a bunny. "I would never try to make a fortune from another man's folly!" 

    "Of course," said Grace, who was turning Sirius back into a little squirrel. "It's much better to just hand out the fliers for _free_." 

    "Reaches more people that way," said Leslie. 

    "Good point," said Ray. 

    "Ladies!" said Professor McGonagall. "Put the animals outside, no squirrels or bunnies allowed in the Great Hall!" 

    "Yes, Professor," they chorused. 

    Grace, Lily, Leslie, and Gwen all brought James and Sirius outside. They would never disobey a _teacher_. 

    They then went inside. 

`*`*`*`

    James and Sirius were gonna have a rough night tonight. Maybe some sense would be knocked into their abnormally thick skulls. 

    After they got done with nature, they would have to experience the wilds of Hogwarts. 

    This was, of course, assuming that they lived through the humiliation that would come when the fliers circulated. 

    In the words of a Miss Lily Evans, they are SCRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWED! 

`*`*`*`

A/n: i'm sorry it took so long! i should have the next one up by next friday. i went on a writing spree. 

i was sent an awesome email. it reminded me of this story. some of you may have seen it. sorry if u don't belive in God! ****

    One day in the Garden of Eden, 

    Eve calls out to God. "Lord, I have a problem." 

    "What's the problem, Eve?" 

    "I know that you created me, and provided this beautiful garden with all of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy." 

    "And why is that, Eve?" 

    "Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples." 

    "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you." 

    "What is that Lord?" 

    "An interesting but flawed creature, with a mixed bag of traits. I must warn you He'll be vain and self-centered and because of that he'll give you a hard time. But he'll also be bigger and faster and he'll like to farm and to build things. He will look a little amusing when he is aroused, but I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. And he won't be too smart, so of course, he will often need your advice to think properly." 

    "Sounds great, "says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, so what's the catch Lord?" 

    "Well......you can have him on one condition." 

    "And what's that, Lord?" 

    "As I said, he'll be proud and self-admiring.....so you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. 

    It will have to be our little secret...... You know, woman to woman." 

enelya: they do need sisters. ah well, their loses. 

citrus scented: i'm glad u think i'm catching their personalities! i must be doing something right! 

Hanna-chan: :-D i'm glad u like it! 

starblaze: if ur family dubs u insane, blame me. 

Boy-hating, prank-playing Edana: oh, we so are better than them! 

lovely: james is a stag, a male deer. that always confused me 2! i'm glad u like the plot! 

i o u a name: i'm glad u liked the chapter! 

sissy-6: um, i didn't update the next week. forgive me? 

LoverOfAllThingsLegolas: i'm glad u like it. and the other story i wrote u. maybe i'll post that 1, i dunno. 

MoonFaith: um, i kinda mixed up the animals, but i hope u still like it! 

canadian/american/brittish: i updated! glad u like it! 


	6. Step Five: Realizations of Major Wrongne...

`*`*`*`

**Step Five:** _Realizations of Major Wrongness_

    "We have to go change Sirius and James back, I suppose," sighed Lily, the next morning at breakfast. 

     "We do?" asked Grace. 

     "Yeah, we don't want to get anyone suspicious of their disappearance." 

     "Good point," she sighed. "Ah well, can we at least make them wait until after breakfast?" 

     "Of course," Lily smiled. "You know, they'll be awfully hungry after being outside all night." 

     "They sure will," agreed Grace. "Too _bad_ they won't be eating." 

     "A shame," said Gwen. 

    They finished, then the four of them went back outside. 

     "I haven't been outside in forever!" said Leslie. "It's been at least twelve hours!" 

     "I know what you mean," said Grace. 

     "Fluffy bunny! Pretty squirrel!" called out Lily. "Where are you?!" 

    The two animals came running, a large wolf-like creature at their tails. 

    The bunny jumped into Lily's arms. Grace picked up the squirrel, which was trying to bite her. 

     "Now, pretty squirrel!" she patronized. "You make me think you don't want to be turned back!" 

    The squirrel stopped biting. 

    They brought them into the castle, and put them on the ground. 

     "Now," said Lily, "we say the spells, and run." 

     "Cuz Mr. Squirrel and Mr. Bunny might have a bit of a temper," said Grace. 

     "May I?" asked Gwen. 

     "Of course," said Grace. 

    So, Gwen and Lily shouted two spells quickly, and ran for their lives. 

    They reached the Charms room, panting, and said hello to Professor Flitwick. They sat down just as James and Sirius ran in. 

     "Where are they?!" yelled James. 

     "Let me at 'em! Let me at 'em!" cried Sirius. 

     "Potter, Black!" Professor Flitwick squeaked. "I'm glad to see you're feeling better, but you must take your seats!" 

     "Sorry, Professor," they murmured, and sat down. They shot glares at Grace, Lily, Gwen, and Leslie. 

`*`*`*`

    When class ended, the girls ran way ahead of James and Sirius, to a waiting Ray. 

     "Are they coming?" he asked. 

     "Yup," said Lily. "You got the fliers?" 

     "Right here," he said, showing them a stack of fliers. "There were more, but I handed them out. I put one at every setting, plus extras, just in case Black and Potter got here early." 

    Gwen beamed at him. "Wonderful! Thank you for helping us, again!" 

     "Y-you're v-v-v-very w-welc-c-come!" he managed to finally get out. 

    They walked in and separated to their tables. "Gwen," said Leslie, "has Ray asked you out yet?" 

     "No, why?" 

     "No reason," she said. 

     "Look at these!" said Lily. "I had no idea Ray was such an artist!" 

    Above the two pictures it read: 

_James and Sirius Secretly loved being turned into these furry creatures!_

And the captions below read: 

_Sirius poses as a purple unicorn, but he always loved having a little bit of color, as he often says. James poses as a pink dove, showing his love for flying (and pink) on and off the Quidditch field. _

And who can resist fluffy pink James and lovable squirrel Sirius? Their love for all creatures is shown as they pose in this lovely picture. 

    "Won't we get caught when the teachers find these?" asked Gwen. 

    "Nope, we took care of that. Everyone over the age of eighteen can't see anything more than parchment when they look at these," explained Grace. 

    "You took care of everything!" said Leslie. 

    "You can't be too careful," said Lily. 

    They were interrupted by two identical shrieks. 

    "Lily, Grace!" cried James, running over. "What is the meaning of this?" 

    "Yeah," said Sirius. "I mean, come on, it was just one date!" 

    "Yup," said Lily, "you're absolutely right. It was just _one_ date. But, added with all of your other misadventures, we felt you deserved it." 

    "What other misadventures?!" cried James. 'That's the only thing I've ever done to you!" 

    "That's exactly it!" cried Lily. "That's exactly why we did this! You don't even realize the other things you've done!" 

    "If you're going on about the squirrels again-" 

    "The squirrels?! They were a small part! There was so much more! You have no idea of how to treat females! You act as though males are some superior race that we should all bow down to!" 

    "And why shouldn't we?!" 

    "James! You don't get it! We are just as good as you are! You don't even give us a chance! Sometimes I think you were raised by a pack of wolves to think like this!" 

    "I wasn't!" 

    "Well you sure as hell act like it!" 

    "Why should I treat females the same?!" 

    "Because, James! I just outsmarted you in your own game! THREE TIMES!" 

    She stormed off, and he ran after her. 

    The whole hall had been watching, mesmerized. 

    Grace and Sirius were the first to react. They stood up, and said, "Everyone as you were," and ran off. 

`*`*`*`

    James had lost Lily a while ago. He had realized something as he was running. Well, something other than the fact that at least one female could outrun him. 

    He realized she was right. 

    As a first for him, it was a pivotal moment. He wanted to see if there was something more to this female rightness. 

    He also realized he had been something of a jerk. 

    He knew that he needed to apologize. Maybe those lessons had a point after all. 

`*`*`*`

    "Lily!" cried Grace, racing to the Astronomy Tower, where she knew she would find her. 

    "Grace, slow down!" said Sirius, panting. "You run way too fast!" 

    "You need to get in better shape, squirrel boy!" she yelled behind her. They finally reached the top of the tower. 

    "Lily," said Grace, "whatever you do, don't kill James!" She saw Lily was alone and gasped. "You didn't kill him already did you?! Not without me!" 

    "What?!" cried Sirius from behind her. "Lily killed James?!" 

    "Would you two stop?! I didn't kill James!" said Lily. 

    "Oh," said Sirius, "well, that's good." 

    "But he was such a jerk! I mean, he has no idea how awful he is to women! His mother must not have taught him any manners!" 

    "Er, Lily," said Sirius, "James' mother died when he was two. She didn't have much of a chance to teach him manners." 

    "Oh," said Lily, beginning to feel bad. "But what about his father?" 

    "He never sees his father. He's an auror and away all the time now." 

    Lily began to feel worse. 

    "Well, that explains a lot about that boy," said Grace. "It also shows me how much he needs those lessons." 

    "Does that mean I get out of them, then?" asked Sirius. 

    "Is your mom dead?" asked Grace. 

    "No." 

    "Dad away all the time or dead?" 

    "No." 

    "Then, yup, you're stuck with the lessons." 

    "Wait!" said Sirius, as the two exited the tower. "I meant that my dad isn't the one who's gone all the time, it's my mom!" 

    Lily could just barely hear Grace's reply of, "You lie, squirrel boy," before the two were completely gone. 

`*`*`*`

    James found Lily pacing back and forth in the Astronomy Tower. 

    "Sirius and Grace told me I'd find you here," he said. 

    She turned. "Hey." 

    "Lily, I came to apologize. I mean, I realize I've been a real jerk." 

    "You're _just_ starting to realize this?" 

    James looked sheepish. 

    "I'm kidding," she said. "I guess I owe you an apology, too. I'm sorry about your mom." 

    He nodded his head, looking uncomfortable, "Thanks." 

    She smiled at him, "You realize this doesn't get you out of lessons, don't you?" 

    "What?! You mean after that apology I don't get out of classes?!" 

    "Nope." 

    He laughed, "Okay." 

    "Does this mean you're starting to realize that women are just as good, maybe better than men?" 

    "Nope." 

    "Oh, then you may need more lessons then I originally thought." 

    "Wait! I mean yes." 

    "Too late. Can't change your answer." 

    He groaned. "I'm going to be taking lessons until I'm thirty, aren't I?" 

    "Well, since you've apologized, I have more hope for you. Maybe only until you're twenty-nine." 

    He looked at her. "You are kidding, right?" 

    She sighed, "We'll see." 

    "I don't believe you!" 

    "Why not?" 

    "You're smiling!" 

    "Sorry." 

    "We should probably get back to the common room," said James. 

    "Yup," said Lily, turning. 

    "Lily?" 

    "Yes, James?" 

    He took a deep breath, and held out his hand, "I promise to come to class with an open mind, ready to learn about whatever the hell you want to teach me." 

    Lily shook his hand. "You realize, now that I've got your promise you are obligated to fulfill it?" 

    He nodded, "Yup. You aren't going to teach me anything evil, are you?" 

    She just laughed and walked off, leaving him there in a dumb stupor. 

    "Lily?" he called after her. "Lily?! Was that a yes or a no?!" 

`*`*`*`

A/n: there it is! i posted it so soon cuz of the month long wait. i love all u people who r reviewing! ur so nice! 

i was worried it was getting 2 fluffy at the end, but they're just friends (now). it also explains a bit about james. it gives him an excuse. he really needs 1. 

enelya- my sister sent me the email. i liked it too, thought it was v. funny. 

Alia- no fan clubs, just a ton of friends. 

citrus scented- people did notice, but they wnated it 2 happen, and the teachers couldn't see. 

sissy-6- i updated just as soon as i was done. kinda. 

starblaze- i'm glad ur not insane yet! i'm also glad other member(s) of ur family thought it was funny! 

icy- u know, the bible was written by men... 

i o u a name- i'm glad my chapter desevered a gool new word! 

BlueTwilight24- u know, i'm still making u read my other chapters 2... 

hpfan20507- lily is one awesome chica, i agree. 

Nike1000- i'm glad u like the story so much! and i based grace off my friend grace, so yeah, she's real! 

LoverOfAllThingsLegolas- grace, leslie and gwen r soooo clones! OMG! it's scary! i didn't realize when i created them! AH!!!!!!!!! 

Céline- in the next chapters it will be poor james and lily... i won't say anymore... 


	7. Step Six: Actually Learning

`*`*`*`

**Step Six:** _Actually Learning_

    Lily and Grace had actually had a few very successful weeks with two improving students. They had been teaching manners. The teachers had noticed the change, but had no idea what had brought it upon them. 

    Now was just another class. 

    Lily and Grace had the full attention of the classroom. 

    "Now," said Grace, "today, we will be learning the proper ways to flirt and ask out a girl." 

    "Why, have you had a lot of practice, Greenleaf?" said Snape, sticking his head in the room. 

    "Snape," said Lily, "_get out._" 

    "Why should I?" asked Snape. "You all are here." 

    "Because we asked permission to be here," said Grace. 

    "Acutally-" said Sirius. 

    "Can it, Black," said Grace, cutting him off. 

    "I have as much of a right to be here as you do, Greenleaf," said Snape. 

    Grace was about to say something, but Lily held up her hand to silence her. 

    "Now Grace, he's right. He _does_ have a right to be here. Maybe he can even help." 

    "What?! Are you mad?! He has- Ooooh! You're perfectly right! In fact, he can help us a lot!" 

    "What are you two going on about?!" cried James. "He's not teaching me anything! I mean it!" 

    "Now, Severus," said Lily, going over to him and seating him in a chair, "just sit right here." 

    Grace came from behind him and said a spell that put ropes around him. 

    "Hey!" he cried out. 

    Lily then put a silencing charm on him. 

    Grace and Lily went to work. By the time they pulled away, Snape had on a dress, a blonde wig, and glitter make up. 

    "Ooo, looking good Severus," said Sirius. "Or should I say Severa?" 

    Snape glared at him. 

    "No protesting," said Lily, "you wanted to help." 

    "Now class," said Grace, "_Miss_ Snape will be our model. Sirius, you first, ask her on a date." 

    Sirius went up to Snape and said, "Hey, what's new? Nothing? Well, so, uh, I was thinking about going to Hogmeade this weekend, wanna join me?" Severus shook his head, being unable to talk. "Really? Five sound about right? Great! See ya later, sexy," he said winking. 

    Snape looked as though he'd just been shot and the other three were rolling on the floor laughing. 

    "G-g-gr-eat Sirius!" Grace finally got out through her laughter. 

    "I give it a ten!" said Lily. "Now your turn, James." 

    Sirius sat back down, and James stood up and walked over to Snape's chair. "Hey. What's goin' on? Me? I'm good. So, about this Friday-" He stopped and turned towards Lily and Grace. "I cannot do this! I mean it's SNAPE!" 

    "Sirius had no problem with it," pointed out Grace. 

    "Yeah, but Sirius is weird like that!" said James. 

    "Fine," said Grace, "then ask out Lily! We'll judge you more on technique, though. I'm warning you. Okay, pretend like you just spotted her in the Great Hall." 

    He walked over to Lily, smiling. "Hey, Lily." 

    She smiled back, "Hey, James." 

    "How are you?" 

    "I'm good. How are you?" 

    "I'm fine. Listen, I heard there was a Hogmeade weekend coming up, and I was wondering if you wanted join me for a butterbeer." 

    "I'd like that." 

    "Great! When should we meet, three?" 

    "Sounds great." 

    "See you then!" 

    "Bye, James." 

    Grace's jaw was open. "James Potter can be civilized?! He's only asked you out in threats!" 

    "Alright, Prongsie!" said Sirius. 

    "Good job, James," said Lily. 

    "Oh, I dunno. I wouldn't have said yes," said Grace. 

    "Grace, you wouldn't have said yes anyways," said Lily. 

    "This is true," said Grace. 

    "Is it true about the last guy who asked you to Hogsmeade?" asked Sirius. 

    "Is what true?" asked Grace. 

    "That he had to go to the hospital wing?" 

    Grace smiled evilly, "You keep your secrets, and I'll keep mine." 

    James shuddered, "Then I'm glad I was asking out Lily and not you." 

    "Okay, take your seats, class," said Lily. "We are now going to talk about flirting, dating, and what's proper." 

    "I think we should have another round of simulation. Sirius," said Grace, "back up to Snape." 

    "Why can't I simulate with you Grace?" he asked suggestively. 

    "Because that would end you up in the hospital wing along with all the others before you." 

    He gulped. "I think I'll go flirt with Snape, then." 

    "Good choice." 

    He walked over to Snape again. "Hey, beautiful. Nice eyes. They're such a pretty mud brown. Oh, and your hair! Did you wash it or something? Because it looks better than usual! And your skin is so-" Snape had pimply skin. "Er, your hair looks great!" Sirius batted his eyelashes at Snape. "You know, yesterday in Potions, you sounded so SMART up there. I was impressed." 

    Snape looked as though he was about to throw up. 

    "Another ten!" said Lily. "Avoiding the topic of his skin when you thought it was less then desirable gives you bonus points. But next time you may want to be more smooth about it." 

    "Okay," said Grace, "it's your turn James. Do you think you can handle Snape this time?" 

    "Are you kidding? If I could ask him on a date how the hell can I compliment him?" 

    "Okay," said Grace, "first off, stop your obsession with the word hell. Secondly, just flirt with Lily again! Geez, you are so hard to please Mr. Picky! Okay, go!" She took a seat next to Sirius. 

    He walked up to Lily, "Hey, again." 

    "Hey, James. Long time no see." Sirius snickered. 

    "I couldn't help looking at you today in Charms," he said. 

    "He really was looking at her," Sirius whispered to Grace. 

    "And," James continued, "I couldn't help but notice how beautiful you looked. You have the prettiest red hair I've ever seen. It looks like a sunset on a beautiful night. And your eyes, they outshine diamonds. They are green pools that rival the stars." 

    Sirius was coughing very hard at this point. 

    Lily blushed. "You even look beautiful when you blush!" proclaimed James. "It adds to the beauty of your face." He then stared into her eyes for a couple of moments, without realizing it. 

    "Kiss, kiss, kiss!" chanted Sirius in the background. 

    Grace hit him in the arm. "Okay, I think that's enough, James." 

    "T-t-top points, James!" said Lily. "That was very flattering!" 

    "Yep," said Grace. "I almost believed it. I think that's enough for class today, though. See you tomorrow!" 

    They all went over to Snape, and began untying him. 

    They took a picture of him before, though. They told him that if he told anyone about the lessons they would expose his cross-dressing tendencies. 

`*`*`*`

    Snape didn't tell anyone about the lessons. He did however, spread that James Potter was madly in love with Lily Evans. Or at least, they suspected it was him. 

    Lily sat down at the table for breakfast next to Grace. "If one more person asks me about James, I'm going to kill that person." 

    "So, Lily," said Sirius, coming at sitting across from her, "what's this I hear about you and James?" 

    "Go ahead," said Grace, "kill him." 

    "Kill me? Why would she kill me?" 

    "Because you're a bloody idiot! Ask James, he's your friend, not Lily! Besides, they wouldn't go out!" 

    "Er, yeah, I kinda think they would." 

    "Yeah, and why's that?" 

    "Because he asked her to Hogsmeade this weekend!" 

    "It was a simulation!" 

    "What about when he flirted with her?" 

    "Also simulation!" 

    "Yeah, well I doubt he could make up that crap up on the spot!" 

    "You did for Snape! Or do you have feelings about him we don't know about?" 

    "You thought that was all crap?" asked Lily, feigning hurt. 

    "Oh no! Of course not Lily!" said Sirius quickly. "And Grace, ix nay on the Ape snay." 

    "Ape snay," repeated Grace. "I like it!" 

    "Ape snay? Who's going on about Ape snay?" asked James, sitting down. Remus and Peter sat down as well. 

    "Well, we were just talking about yesterday," said Sirius. "So James, what's this I hear about you and Lily?" 

    James, who had been taking a sip from his pumpkin juice, spit it out. "What?!" 

    "You and Lily. It's all the latest gossip. Apparently our greasy-haired friend over there had something to talk about." 

    "That little!" said James. "I'm gonna go pound him!" 

    "And confirm rumors," said Sirius. 

    "What? NO!" 

    "Yes, that's what it will do!" 

    "How so?" 

    "People go, 'Oh, there's James beating the shit out of Snape! The rumors must be true! Severus must have said something bad about Lily!'" 

    "That makes no sense, Sirius," said Remus. 

    "What if the rumors are true?" 

    Lily looked up and gave him a weird look. 

    "What?" she said. 

    "I think your _girlfriend_ just answered that," said Sirius. 

    James sighed. 

`*`*`*`

    They were walking to the Great Hall for lunch, and Ray Chang and Gwen walked over to them. 

    "You're going out with Lily?" Ray asked. 

    James, tired of telling people no, did the last thing anyone expected. He grabbed Lily, dipped her, and gave her a long kiss on the mouth. 

    He came up for air and said, "Why yes I am." 

`*`*`*`

A/n: 

Did everyone like the fifth book _Harry POtter and the Raging Case of Hormones?_

i loved the lily and james bit in the OotP! some of the ideas clashed w/ mine (like james' mother is still alive and both of his parents are awesome) but i'm going 2 ignore it. he also likes lily, which i kinda had 2 throw in, but the flirting and date part were written b4 it came out. so are 3 other chapters. 

i know u all hated the death! I know i did! i was writing a scene and i was like, "ah! all of these people are dead!" ah well, the death was iffy. i think she'll bring that person back... 

Sweet Lil Angel- i'm glad u like it! 

starblaze- i hope u still like the way the fics heading! 

citrus scented- OotP would never stop me writing. thanx 4 the concern! 

JerseyGirl03- thanx 4 reviewing! 

i o u a name- ilove new words! i hope ur brain's off vacation now, and u can think of some! 

LoverOfAllThingsLegolas- u really don't need 2 read this chap, cuz u already did. so u probably won't read this. ah well. 

whatdyasay?- i'm glad u think so highly of my story! it makes me happy! 

enelya- ten things i hate about you is a really good movie! i'm obsessed w/ it! 

BlueTwilight24- james always needs excuses. 

sissy-6- they'll get 2gether. eventually. 

MoonFaith- ur welcome! i liked ur ideas! 

flamin-phyinix- i hope this is fast enough 4 u! 


	8. Step Seven: Punishment for Stupidity

    Last chapter: 

    You're going out with Lily?" Ray asked. 

    James, tired of telling people no, did the last thing anyone expected. He grabbed Lily, dipped her, and gave her a long kiss on the mouth. 

    He came up for air and said, "Why yes I am." 

`*`*`*`

**Step Seven:** _Punishment for Stupidity_

    Lily looked speechless. And very red. 

    Ray and Gwen were gaping at them, as were several people on their way to eat. 

    James turned, put his arm around Lily's waist and walked with her into the Great Hall. She was too stunned to protest. 

    Sirius and Grace blinked at them, but came back to their senses when they disappeared into the Great Hall. 

    "I think Prongsie's been holding out on us," Sirius said to Grace. 

    "I think he's gone insane," she said. 

    They went into the Great Hall. 

    "Er, I guess James and Lily are really dating then," said Ray. 

    "I guess so," said Gwen. 

`*`*`*`

    James sat Lily down, as she was still stunned, and sat down next to her. He began eating. 

    "James," said Lily, and he turned towards her. She felt his forehead, "Are you feeling alright? Maybe you should go see the nurse." 

    "I'm fine," he said, going back to eating. 

    "Good! Because i would feel awful about beating up a sick man!" She raised a fist, but he caught it. 

    "Look, i'm sorry, okay? I was just tired of everybody asking. At least now they'll stop asking." 

    "But they think we're dating!" 

    "So, they'll stop asking!" 

    "So," said Sirius, walking over, "when were you going to tell us?" 

    "You moron!" said Grace, hitting him in the back of the head. "They aren't really going out!" 

    "Then why did he kiss her?!" 

    "I dunno! Ask him!" 

    "So, er, James," said Sirius, "why'd you try to make out with Lily in the hall right there?" 

    "You made out with Lily in the hall?" asked Remus, sitting down. 

    "Is she a good kisser?" Peter asked. He was glared at by James. "What? What'd I say?!" 

    "Yeah, James," said Sirius, "was she a good kisser?" 

    "May I point out that I'm sitting right here?" asked Lily. 

    "Good for you," said Sirius. "Answer the question, James." 

    "I'm leaving," said Lily, standing up. 

    "No," said Sirius, "you're staying. I already know what James is going to say!" 

    "Oh really?" said Remus. "What's he going to say?" 

    "That she is. He was kissing her for longer than a minute. I counted. Actually, it may be more. I counted _really_ slow." 

    "A minute?! Whoa! She must be pretty good," said Peter. 

    Lily and James were both blushing really hard. 

    "I think I'm going to leave now, too," said James, and they both walked out of the Great Hall. 

    Sirius sighed, "The womanizer's in love with the feminist and he has no idea." 

    "Love?" said Grace. "It's more a crush than love." 

    "Well, you know me," said Sirius. "I'm a real romantic." 

    "I dunno, you're more a real nutcase." 

`*`*`*`

    "James, your friends are perverts, but they do prove my point. _Everyone_ will think we're going out now!" said Lily as she and James made it towards the Gryffindor common room. 

    "I know, I know. It was a stupid thing to do! It was annoyance and stupidity combined," answered James. 

    "I agree. Now we have to tell Gwen and Ray that we aren't going out! Plus the rest of the school, because things like that do not get around slow." 

`*`*`*`

    "-And when we asked him if they were going out, he kissed for _five_ whole minutes!" said Gwen to the Ravenclaw table at dinner. 

    "Without even taking a breath!" added Ray. 

    "And Lily is obviously enjoyed it," said Gwen. "She was speechless. It's obvious they're in love." 

`*`*`*`

    "NO way it will go around that fast!" said James. 

    "Yes it will! By breakfast everyone will think we're going out!" said Lily. 

    They reached the portrait hole, and went inside it. 

    "I doubt that," said James. "I mean, Gwen and Ray won't tell anyone." 

    "Well, they might not, but Sirius will." 

`*`*`*`

    Sirius jumped on the Gryffindor table as soon as James and Lily left. 

    "I would like to take this time," he shouted, "to announce the engagement of James Potter and Lily Evans. The future Lily _Potter_." 

    He got detention for it from Professor McGonagall, but everyone heard the message. 

    "Sirius! You idiot!" said Grace. "Now everyone thinks they're getting married!" 

    "Yeah, that was my plan!" 

`*`*`*`

    "Engaged? Lily and James engaged?" a first year asked a second year. 

    "Yup," she answered. "I hear that they wanted to get married by Christmas, but who knows?" 

`*`*`*`

    "Oh shit!" said James. "We should have never left Sirius there!" He and Lily were working on homework. 

    "I'm tired," said Lily. "I'm gonna call it a night." 

    "Me too," said James. 

    They left the common room, and were asleep before their friends came back. 

`*`*`*`

    The next morning, they both woke up earlier than everyone else. They met each other in the common room, and decided to walk down to the Great Hall. 

    On their way there, they met a group of first year girls, who burst into uncontrollable laughter, and ran quickly in the opposite direction. 

    "Er, that was weird," said James. 

    "Yeah," said Lily. "I wonder why they ran." 

    At breakfast, several owls swooped down by them. 

    Lily opened a letter and spit out her pumpkin juice. 

    "What the hell?! SIRIUS BLACK!" she shrieked, causing several birds to fly away and students to wince. 

    Sirius ran in, "What? I heard you all the way in the common room!" 

    "YOU TOLD THE WHOLE BLOODY SCHOOL THAT JAMES AND I WERE _ENGAGED_?!" 

    James looked like he was about to say something, except an owl came by and a _Daily Prophet_ landed on his lap. He took one look at the front page, and frowning, showed it to Lily. 

    She screamed even louder. 

    On the front page, in big letters for all the wizarding world to see it read: 

_James Potter, Son of World-Famous Auror, Harold Potter, Announces Engagement to Lily Evans_

    "Ooooo, Sirius!" yelled James. "I am going to pound you to the ground!" 

    "And then I'm going to kick you into your namesake!" screamed Lily. 

    "Lily," said Sirius, "I was named after a constellation." 

    "I know!" she screamed, and she and James chased him out of the Great Hall. 

`*`*`*`

    Lily and James came into Transfiguration somewhat composed. Most of the class was already there, so James said, "Lily and I are not engaged. That was a lie on the part of Sirius Black." 

    "We have never even dated," said Lily. 

    "Professor McGonagall," said Peter, walking in, "Madam Pomfrey wants you to know that Sirius is being excused for a classes for the day. He has a concussion." 

`*`*`*`

    At lunch, James and Lily told the school of their non-engaged status. 

    "Despite what everyone thinks," said James, "Lily and I are not engaged." 

    "We've never dated and are not currently dating," said Lily. 

    "So please stop sending us congratulation notes and gifts." 

    "We will return them to you." 

    They then sat down. 

    "You know," said Grace, "I'm beginning to doubt those lessons are working. I mean, first James kisses an unsuspecting female, then Sirius announces a false engagement." 

    "No, I think lessons are working fine. I just think that James and Sirius are both convulsive liars," answered Lily. 

    "What'd I lie about?" asked James. 

    "That we were going out, getting us into this mess in the first place." 

    "Oh, yeah," he said, sheepishly. 

    An owl dropped in front of him, which was odd as it wasn't breakfast. 

    "A howler?" said James. "Who's sending me a howler?" 

    It opened. 

    _"James Potter!"_ boomed a man's voice. _"How dare you get engaged without informing your family before the _Daily Prophet! _Do you have any idea how shocked I was when I received the Minster of Magic's congratulations?! I had no idea what he was talking about! And furthermore, you are way too young to marry! You're only sixteen! You're not even out of Hogwarts yet! You'd better tell me what's going on soon!"_

    "Sirius is so lucky that he's already in the hospital wing," said James. "Because if he was here right now, I would kill him!" 

    "Was that your dad?" asked Lily. 

    "Yup," said James. "Sounding happy as usual!" 

    "You'd better write him," said Lily. "I'll inform the _Daily Prophet_." 

    He nodded, "Alright. You know, I wonder how they found out." 

    "I think it was Sirius," said Lily. 

    "Why don't you two just get engaged," said Peter. "You can spare yourselves the trouble." 

    "How about no," they said at the same time. Then, "I'm glad we agree." 

`*`*`*`

    The _Daily Prophet_ posted an article the very next day, saying sorry for the mix-up. Sirius Black was fined for misinformation, and kicked off the Quidditch team indefinitely. 

    "Shit, Padfoot!" said James. "That's awful! Frank Longbottom is graduating this year! Who can I get to replace him?" 

    "Well," said Grace, sitting down next to them, "you could hold another try out. Only this time with a fair mind." 

    "Another try out?! Who can I get that's as good as Sirius?!" 

    "I know someone better," she said, casually. 

    "Who?! Come on! Tell me! PLEASE!!!!!" 

    "Well, you know this person very well." 

    "I do?" 

    "Yup. You talk to them everyday." 

    "It's not you, is it?" 

    "No, it's not me!" 

    "Then who?!" 

    "Lily!" 

    "Lily!" interjected Sirius. "But Lily didn't make it last time!" 

    "Yeah!" said Grace. "Because you wouldn't let her!" 

    "That was probably because she sucked," said Sirius. 

    "Lily is better than you, Squirrel boy!" shouted Grace. "The reason you didn't pick her was because she was a girl! That's what got you into this mess of lessons in the first place!" 

    "It was?" said James. "Are you sure?" 

    "You guys have the memories of goldfish!" 

    "Goldfish? That's good, right?" asked Sirius. 

    "No! It's not!" 

    "Well, I think that's rather harsh of you, then. Honestly Gracie, I don't know why you are so mean sometimes," said Sirius. 

    "I am mean because you're a flaming idiot! And don't call me Gracie!" 

    "Geez! You yell really loud!" 

    "I wouldn't yell if you weren't so stupid!" 

    "You are not selling this Lily as beater thing by yelling!" 

    "Ya know what Black? Fu-" 

    James held up is hands. "ENOUGH! You're giving me a headache! Go fight somewhere else!" 

    They ran off, yelling insults. 

    James decided to hold try outs again. It wasn't worth risking the wrath of a certain Miss Grace Greenleaf. 

`*`*`*`

A/n: first off, i would like to thank all u ppl for the reviews!!!! they made me so happy! 

OK, i have a question: how does everybody know that lily's maiden name is evans? it wasn't mentioned before the fifth book. someone (enelya) asked me, and i've been wondering 2. did jk announce it in a press conference or something? 

bad news: i'm gone for a month starting 2morrow w/ no internet access whatsoever. i can't post the other chapters and i am sooooo bummed! i'm really sorry! 

xCriscrossx- lissy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm glad u like the story!!!! u'd better write ur peter 1 soon!!!!! :-D 

JerseyGirl03- she'd better bring him back! i mean, a window thingy that can talk? he's comin' back! i'm glad u liked the chapter!!! 

ChickoftheDarkMoon- i really hate it when chapters overload!!!! i'm glad u like the story, though! 

enelya- i have actually no idea how everyone knows her maiden name was evans. i'm asking in my authors note, so maybe someone will respond. i'll tell u if i find out! 

soupie- i'm glad u like the snape thing. it was v. fun 2 write! 

Zoey- i agree, the last part was kinda creepy. 

sissy-6 (Crissy & Ally)- i hate 2 tell u this, cuz i know ur gonna kill me, but they aren't getting 2gether for awhile now. SO SORRY! 

MoonFaith- ur review made me laugh! he didn't get pounded. almost, though! 

i o u a name- hehe! new word!!!!! i love it! u should write a special dictionary! 

Little House Girl- i'm really sorry i'm pulling the romance away! i know, i'm evil. 

citrus scented- i'm glad some1 agrees me! i was seriously gonna shoot him if he blew up at another person! i mean geez! i'm glad u liked the chapter! 

starblaze- thank you! i'm glad u like my writing! that review made my day! 

Sweet Strawberri- ur story is so awesome!!!!!! i'm glad u liked mine 2!!!!! 


	9. Step Eight: Showing Progress

`*`*`*`

**Step Eight:** _Showing Progress_

    James found Lily in the library. He ran in crying out her name. 

    "Mister Potter!" cried Madam Pince. "Be quiet or leave!" 

    "Sorry," he said, walking instead. 

    He went over to Lily. 

    "Lily, please can I hold Quidditch tryouts?" he pleaded. 

    "James," she sighed, "not until you can prove that you'll have an open mind going into the trials." 

    "How am I supposed to prove that?" he asked. 

    "I dunno, you'll think of something," she said. 

    "I have it!" he cried, causing another "Mister Potter!" from Madam Pince. 

    "Well, that was quick," said Lily. 

    "Okay, how's this? You go on a date with me. I mean, you already agreed to it." 

    "I did? When?" 

    "That class I asked you to go to Hogsmeade with me." 

    "That was a simulation." 

    "Damn you girls and your simulations!" hissed Sirius from behind a bookshelf. 

    "Sirius? What are you doing here?" asked Lily. 

    "I am awaiting the fate of the Gryffindor Quidditch team," he replied. 

    "Why is it so important that the tryouts be now?" asked Lily. 

    "Because! If they aren't we don't have enough time to train someone new!" 

    "James, it's a couple of months after school before the first game." 

    "So? We might not have anyone good tryout! We may need extra time!" 

    "Mister Potter!" cried Madam Pince. "Either read or get out! Do not annoy Miss Evans!" 

    "James, someone good will try out," said Lily. 

    "Well, they get to know the team better this way! Please come to Hogsmeade with me!" 

    "Is this just another one of your schemes? Because you've asked me out at strange times in the past." 

    "It's not. I promise. I will be an angel!" 

    "Alright, alright. _Fine._ But you'd better be on your best behavior-" 

    She was cut off by James' "Yes!" and a bear hug. 

    "Mister Potter!" cried Madam Pince. "GET OUT OF THIS LIBRARY! PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO READ!" 

    "No problemo!" James cried. "Bye, library!" 

    "Bye," chorused the people in the library. 

    "Shhhhh!" hissed Madam Pince. 

`*`*`*`

    Grace watched, clipboard in hand, as James helped Lily into a carriage. She scribbled something onto her clipboard, and got into the nearest carriage. 

    James took Lily to _The Three Broomsticks_, and pull her chair out for her. He got the butterbeers, and returned back to the table. He hadn't arranged any other dates for the same time. He talked with Lily about things that required brains, like politics. He also talked to her about Quidditch. They were topics he had deemed female inappropriate before. 

    Grace took this all into consideration as she marked on her clipboard. 

    Suddenly, a figure blocked her view of Lily and James. 

    "Whacha doin' Grace?" asked Sirius. 

    "Deciding the fate of your Quidditch team, so I suggest you move." 

    "Grace, that was not a nice way to respond." 

    "Do you want your team to do well next year?" 

    "I'm moving, I'm moving!" He sat down at her table. 

    "I didn't mean to my table." 

    "Well, you looked like you could use some company." 

    "I don't." 

    "I think ya do." 

    "I don't," she repeated, turning back to Lily and James. 

    "Why do you keep staring at Lily and James?" asked Sirius. "Oh wait! I know! You like James!" 

    "I do not!" 

    "Yes you do! Hey, everyone, Grace likes James!" 

    "I do NOT! Shut up right now!" 

    "Fine, if you don't like James who do you like?" 

    "That's none of your business." 

    "It is!" 

    "No, it isn't!" 

    "If you don't tell me, I'll tell the _Daily Prophet_ that you're in love with me." 

    "In _love_ with _you_? That's utterly disturbing. Plus, after that whole engagement incident, the _Daily Prophet_ burns your letters." 

    "Like that would stop me! I could pretend I was James!" 

    "You wouldn't dare!" 

    "I so would!" He then started grinning. "Wait, you do like me, don't you?" 

    "What? NO!" 

    "Oh yeah? Then why won't you tell me who you like?" 

    "Because it's none of your business!" 

    "See? You won't admit it because you're in love with me!" 

    "Sirius, the day I like you is the day you declare your undying love for Snape." 

    "So wait, you do like me?" 

    "I just got Sirius to admit he was gay!" cried Grace at the top of her lungs, getting several looks. 

    "I am not!" cried Sirius. "Besides," he added in a lower voice, "you're ruining my reputation." 

    "What reputation?" 

    "As a ladies man." 

    Grace burst out laughing, "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" 

    "But it's the truth!" 

    "No!" 

    "Tell me who you like!" 

    "NO! 

    "Yes! Comeon! I will tell everyone you like me otherwise." 

    "But I don't!" 

    "That's not what they're gonna think!" 

    "I'll tell everyone you're gay!" 

    "You just did!" 

    "If I tell you who I like will you shut up?" 

    Sirius thought for a moment. "Sure." 

    "Okay! This person has long blonde hair." 

    Sirius gasped. "You're gay?!" 

    "NO!" 

    "You like Lucious Malfoy?" 

    "NO!" 

    "Good. He's taken by my cousin. Um, who do you like then?" 

    "Legolas!" 

    "Who?" 

    "Haven't you ever read _The Lord of the Rings_ trilogy?" 

    "Read? As in it's a book?" 

    "Oh, I forgot that you can't read!" 

    "Hey! That's probably not true!" 

    "Legolas is a character in those books. He's an elf. He goes off with eight other men to destroy the one ring. It's an awesome series!" 

    "So, wait. Lemme get this straight. You like some made up fairy, who, among other things is openly gay. Plus has the name Arm less. Am I missing something here?" 

    "Yes! His name is Legolas! He's not gay! He's an elf!" 

    "Whatever. He sounds gay to me. So, you have a crush on some make-believe dude?" 

    "It's not a crush! We're involved!" cried Grace, storming out. (a/n: hehe, 10 things i hate about you!) 

    "Involved in what?" cried Sirius after her, but she had already gone. 

    "Well," said James, who had heard the while thing, "that was an interesting conversation." 

    "It was more of an argument," said Lily. "Sirius made a _big_ mistake in insulting Legolas. Grace is gonna be pissed." 

    "I'll tell him to watch his back then." 

    "You'd better tell him to watch more than that." 

    "Meaning?" 

    "Well, Grace would never let someone she thought was stupid reproduce." 

    James winced. "W-w-well, I'll just have to tell him to stay away from her." 

`*`*`*`

    James must have told Sirius to stay clear of Grace, because Lily didn't see him for three days. 

    He was forced to come back to lessons, as Lily had taken them over. 

    "Geez," said Sirius after the first week, "she can hold a looooong grudge!" 

    "You have no idea," said Lily. 

    "So," said Sirius, "when do you think she'll get over this? Next week? The week after?" 

    Lily thought for a moment. "Well, I'd say she'll hold the grudge for about… the rest of her life." 

    "I am so screwed," Sirius groaned. 

`*`*`*`

a/n: i just got back today, and i decided u people had waited long enough! 

jk said lily's maiden name in a press conference (thanx i o u a name!) i was @ a lake, not grounded. there was no internet where i was staying. 

21 reviews 4 me??????? u ppl r sooooooooooooooo awesome!!!!! 

i o u a name- thanx 4 all the info! sorry that ur dictiobnary thingy didn't work out! 

Alia5- lily and james are more the killing types. waiting 4 him 2 commit suicide would b 2 long! :) i probably would make it so he kills himself, 2, though. 

Nike25- now u know the answer 2 the ?! 

Little House Girl- there is gonna be some romance later on, but not until 7th year, cuz i don't want 2 contradict jk. i will put in same hints, though! 

Dude Wheres My Cheese- i know. it's starting 2 bug me about reading about sirius! thanx a lot jk! 

Kirunai- i'm glad u think it's so funny! 

GoodCharlotte- thanx 4 adding me 2 ur favs! oh, actually, McGonanagall was the transfiguration teacher when they were at hogwarts because in the third book she says about how inteligent black and potter were and how sad she was that she was hard on peter. thanx 4 telling me, though! 

enelya- i live by the internet 2. i have no idea how i survived. 

starblaze- thanx 4 all the lovely, beautiful, great, excellent words! 

Lady Tiffy- i'm glad u liked it! 

sissy-6- thanx 4 ur insight in2 the evans-knowledge name thingy! it made me laugh! 

LoverOfAllThingsLegolas- grace shall find her own true love! fear not! 

citrus scented- thanx 4 the comments about the rumor thing! i wasn't sure how that was working out! 

MoonFaith- there's still plenty of time for torture! 

Arianna- the animal turning part is a fav of mine, 2! 

JerseyGirl03- i'm glad u like it! 

B. Nonymous- i hope u like this chapter, 2! 

Carmel March- i'm glad u like the story! i'm 15, y? 

Lorelei6- i'm 15. so is the real grace. the whole environmental thing is kewl, though! 

sailorsunandchildofthesun- yeah girls rule! 

ChickoftheDarkMoon- the site is evil when it overloads! i'm glad u like it, though! 


	10. Step Nine: Learning Some Manners

`*`*`*`

**Step Nine:** _Learning Some Manners_

    Grace and Lily were sitting in the common room one day, studying for O.W.L.s, when Sirius stepped in. 

    "Lily," he said, not seeing Grace, "can I borrow your charms? I haven't been able to finish mine. I think it might have to do with the girl classes I've been taking." 

    "You think that's an excuse, Black?" asked Grace. 

    He temporarily forgot their argument. "Duh. It's not a school class that's affecting my school work. I think that I should get cut some slack for that." 

    Grace stood and glared at him and he suddenly remembered. "Er, actually I have all night! I mean, who needs sleep, right?" 

    "Black, we will not do your homework for you. That's crossing the line," growled Grace. 

    James came into the common room at this point with Remus and Peter, and they all stared at the two. The showdown was finally happening. 

    "Well, I think you should," said Sirius. 

    "Look!" cried Grace. "That boy only has one ear!" She pointed at Sirius, and gained the attention of the entire common room. 

    "What?" asked a confused Sirius. "I definitely have more than one ear." 

    "You won't when I'm through with you!" cried Grace. She lunged at him, and he ran around the room. 

    "Mercy, mercy!" he cried while she chased him. 

    "Aw, wittle Bwack is being chased by a girl!" she taunted. 

    "But t-t-that's nothing to be ashamed of!" cried Sirius, who was being chased around a couch. 

    "And why's that?" asked Grace. 

    Sirius grabbed a first year, and held her between him and Grace. "No reason, I was lying." 

    "Black!" cried an enraged Grace. 

    "Comeon, you wouldn't hurt a harmless, little firstie, would you?" he asked. 

    "Hey!" cried the first year, kicking him in the shins. "I'm not little!" 

    He doubled over in pain. "Geez, Greenleaf, she kicks harder than you!" 

    Grace and the first year gave each other high fives. 

    "Now Black," said Grace, anger glittering in her eyes, "it's just you and me." 

    He jumped up and ran behind Lily. "Lily, beautiful! You would never let Grace kill me, would you?" 

    "Actually I rather think I would. You just insulted females," said Lily. She lowered her voice, "Besides, that's one less person to teach." She moved to the side. "He's all yours, Grace." 

    "You evil-" Sirius started to say, but then Grace began to run towards him again. "Oh shit!" This time he ran behind James. "Prongs, old buddy! You wouldn't let your best friend _die_ would you?" 

    "The same best friend that told the _Daily Prophet_ I was engaged and got me in trouble with one of my only living family members?" asked James. 

    "I knew that would come back to haunt me," said Sirius. Grace had caught him, though, because James had stepped to the side. She pinned him against a wall. 

    "Now, we're gonna have a little chat," said Grace. 

    "That little chat doesn't involve any punching or kicking, does it?" asked Sirius. 

    "Only if it has to," replied Grace. "Now, what's this you were saying about girls?" 

    "Only that they were just as good as- no, better than- boys," said Sirius. 

    "Uh huh. And what about Legolas?" 

    "He's a very masculine in a very good trilogy that I'd like to borrow you from you sometime," replied Sirius. "Did I mention that he's straight as a line?" 

    Grace gave a satisfied smile and let him down. "Much better. Now, you'd better keep believing that. You won't like the consequences if you don't." 

    "Right," said Sirius, walking away. "Moony, in the future, remind me that Grace Greenleaf has no sense of humor. And James," he said, walking past him, "thanks a lot!" 

`*`*`*`

    The next day in Transfiguration, they were preparing for O.W.L.s. 

    "As you know," said Professor McGonagall, "these tests are very important. I hope you have all been studying since you came here this year. Some of you," she looked pointedly at Sirius and James, who gave her innocent smiles, "I know have not studied at all, but I highly suggest you start. They are in one week." 

    Sirius and James' smiles disappeared. "In one week?" hissed Sirius to James. "I thought it was a month!" 

    "Is there something you'd like to share with the class Mr. Black?" asked Professor McGonagall. 

    "Er, actually yeah," said Sirius. "You see, I thought that we had another month, Minerva." 

    Professor McGonagall raised an eyebrow at him. "Minerva?" she asked. "Five points from Gryffindor. I suggest you get a move on studying, _Sirius_. Otherwise, you're in for the shock of your life." 

`*`*`*`

    "You haven't started studying yet, Padfoot?" asked James as they walked out of class. 

    "I thought I had more time!" said Sirius. "You know what I always say, never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether." 

    "Sirius, when have you ever said that?" asked Remus. 

    "Er, never. But there's no time like the present to have a motto," said Sirius. 

    "Yours should be: Stupidity is the answer to every question," said Grace from behind them. 

    "Ah, how nice of you to _grace_ us with your presence," said Sirius. 

    "Very nice, squirrel boy," she replied. "Thanks for proving that you definitely live up to that motto. We have a surprise class tonight." 

    "What? But I have to study!" cried Sirius. 

    "You should have thought of that before you showed that your manners were completely lacking," said Lily. "Ciao, see you at four." 

    "Four?" asked James. "I thought it was four thirty." 

    "It was," said Grace. "But then you friend here showed how _seriously_ thick he could be." 

    "Haha!" laughed Peter. "She used the serious thing just like you used the grace thing! Hahaha! Isn't that funny?" 

    "Can it and eat it, Wormtail," said Sirius. "It wasn't funny." 

    Peter instantly sobered. "You're right. Of course it wasn't." 

    "Comeon, Prongs," sighed Sirius. "We'd better start studying if we want to graduate in the next five years." 

    "Start studying? I've been studying for a month, mate," said James. 

    "A _month_?" asked Sirius. "Where the hell have I been? Remus?" 

    "I've been studying for two," he replied. 

    "Peter?" asked Sirius hopefully. 

    "I've been tutored all year," said Peter. 

    "B-b-b-bu," suttered Sirius. 

    "Sucks to be you," said James, as the three of them left behind a gaping Sirius. 

`*`*`*`

    "Now," said Lily, "when Grace and I heard Mr. Black call Professor McGonagall by her first name we were appalled." 

    "I felt like throwing up," stated Grace calmly. "I think she should have taken off more points. It was horrid, vile, disturbing-" 

    "We get the point, Grace," said Sirius. "I already feel bad enough!" 

    "Good," said Grace. "And it's _Professor Greenleaf_." 

    "People who are teaching you, your elders, or your boss should be referred to by their title and surname," said Lily. 

    "We would say that you should refer to people smarter than you thus, but than Mr. Black here wouldn't call anyone by their first names." 

    "Hey!" cried Sirius. "I resent that!" 

    "Resent away," smiled Grace. 

    "You may call anyone by their first name if they tell you to," continued Lily, ignoring Grace and Sirius. 

    "Which, Lily might add, Professor McGonagall did not tell Sirius." 

    "Hey!" said Sirius. "I don't believe I told you that you could call me by my first name!" 

    "Due to your incompetence, I can call you whatever I want," she replied. 

    "Grace, Sirius, _enough_!" cried Lily. "Do I have to ask you two to leave the room?" 

    Grace raised an eyebrow, "I'm not a student, though." 

    "Fine, I'll rephrase that question. Do I have to lock you two in a broom closet together?" she asked. 

    "Whatever," said Grace. 

    "_Without_ your wands," she added. 

    "You wouldn't dare!" cried Grace. 

    "Oh wouldn't I?" 

    "She'd kill me!" cried Sirius. "Besides," he said, a smile growing on his face, "how could you take on the two of us alone?" 

    "_Expelliarmus_," she cried twice quickly. "Like that," she said, holding up both their wands. 

    "Oh, you're evil," said Grace. 

    "Geez, how can you be so devious? You're named after a flower!" cried Sirius. 

    Grace rolled her eyes, "Honestly, I have no idea how you haven't been kicked out of here yet." 

    "Oy, James! Why aren't you standing up for me?" cried Sirius. "We're supposed to be best mates and all that!" 

    "Padfoot, it's much more fun to see you back yourself into a corner," James replied. "Actually, in your case it's like jumping off a cliff numerous times." 

    "A load of help you are! You're letting me be torn apart by an evil female!" 

    "You forgot brilliant and beautiful," said Grace. "Besides, you let yourself be torn apart. James can't help you." 

    "Brilliant, ha! I got better than you on Transfiguration last year!" 

    "But you won't this year, Mr. Procrastinator!" 

    "Broom closet," Lily reminded them. 

    "Shutting up," said Sirius. 

    "Anyways," said Lily, "like I was saying, manners are very important. You need to be taught them, so these classes will have to go on to next year." 

    Sirius groaned. "Are you kidding? That's not fair! I just called her Minerva! I promise to never do it again!" 

    "It's not just that! You and James hex people just because, too! That's not manners!" cried Lily. 

    "When was the last time we did that?" asked Sirius. 

    "Today at lunch to Rodolphus Lestrange. You transfigured his nose into a chair," she replied icily. 

    "Oh yeah," Sirius smiled at the memory. He caught himself, "Wait, you saw that?" 

    "Duh," said Grace. "You and James gave each other high fives and said you should write a book on all time greatest pranks." 

    "You were listening to our conversation? That's invasion of privacy!" cried Sirius. 

    "The whole Great Hall could hear you! You screamed it!" Grace replied. 

    "Well," Sirius muttered to himself, "that would explain why Professor Flitwick laughed when I told him he needed proof for detentions." 

    "Whispering," said Lily, "it's a good thing. But it shouldn't have happened at all. I expect you two to come back with better manners. It's your summer project." 

    "Homework over the summer?" groaned Sirius. "Comeon, Prongs! Complain with me!" 

    "What and make things worse? I've found it's best to not piss people off when you're trying to get your way." 

    "Yes!" shouted Lily. "At least James is learning something!" 

    "That's probably because he's getting _private lessons_," said Sirius suggestively. 

    Lily glared at him for a moment before looking at Grace. "Should we?" 

    "Oh yeah," said Grace. 

    "Mr. Black has just earned a meter-long essay," said Lily, "on ettiquette…" she and Grace shared an evil smile, "…of muggles." 

    "What?" cried Sirius. "But that involves major research! That's torture!" 

    "Want to make it ten meters?" asked Lily. 

    "Ya know what?" asked Sirius. 

    "What?" asked Lily. 

    "I think your name should be Venus fly trap. It describes you better." 

    "That's not half as interesting as some of the ones that could describe you," said replied. 

    "Did you take Grace pills this morning, or something?" asked Sirius. Grace raised an eyebrow, "What's that supposed to mean, exactly?" 

    "N-n-nothing! She's just so… happy today!" 

    "Sirius, are you out to die young?" 

    "Not if I can avoid it." 

    "Well, you really suck at avoiding it." 

`*`*`*`

A/n: Sirius and Grace (i'm sorry to disappoint everyone) are NOT getting together. grace would probably kill him five seconds into the relationship. 

I love every1 who reviewed! hugs to you all! 

JerseyGirl03: the great thing about legolas is that we can all share him! orlando however... 

i o u a name: Grace likes the character and him in the movies, but orlando (we agreed on this) is ALL mine. she gets legolas and i get orly, who is v. yummy, i agree! 

soupie: hey! i think sirius didn't die. he's comin' back. he CANNOT DIE! it's illegal. i'm outlawing it. i'm all sad that they didn't go out until seventh year. it's hard 2 work around! 

QoF: thanks! that comment was awesome! they're getting together in two or three chapters. i dunno yet. 

Musicizdbest: yeah 15 year-old, feminist tree huggers! we rock! 

Lima Beans: bridge, will u be mad if i quit my other story? jk, i know u'd kill me. 

Carmel March: that's okay. the ppl who get in crazy moods have fun reviews 2 read! i personally write really boring ones. 

Moonlight and Midnight: yup, grace is 1 smart cookie when it comes 2 hot characters! 

sissy-6: yes, james' head is deflating! it took him long enough, 2! 

MoonFaith: i'm glad u like it! 

Kat44: thank you! i'm glad it's original! 

Kari Lynn: i'm glad their personalities r shining through! thanks! 

Lorelei6: ur the person who reviewed my HDM story! ur so awesome! 

Tribal Leader: i was gonna stop, but then i realized all the things i could do, so this might be around 20 chapters. 

lYdoSpaRklyLemOnDroP: glad u think it's funny! 

B. Nonymous: s'alright! we can all share legolas! (Olrando's mine, no 1 else can have him lol) 

Little House Girl: no sirius/ grace, but there is lily/james! 


	11. VACATION

`*`*`*`

**V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N**

    The exams went by and they finally were leaving. 

    "The next time we see Hogwarts, it'll be our last year," sighed Lily. 

    "That's really depressing," said Grace. 

    "Please tell me you two aren't going to get all girly on me and start bawling your eyes out!" said Sirius. 

    "Sirius," said Grace, "how about we make that essay two meters." 

    "I take it back! Sob all you want! I'll even cry with you." 

    "No, I think you'd cry harder if the prospect of a two-meter essay was ahead," replied Grace. 

    "No, please! I'll do anything! Don't take away from my summer anymore!" cried Sirius. 

    Grace looked as though she was about to laugh, but changed her expression to one of exasperation and said, "Fine, we won't ruin your summer." 

    "Yes!" yelled Sirius, giving her a hug. "Thank you so so, so, so much!" 

    She stiffened. "Black, are you hugging me?" 

    He jumped away. "Oops! Sorry! I forgot the Grace rule of no physical contact!" 

    "Well, don't forget it again. To help you remember, think of this: we may not ruin your summer, but there's always next year." 

    She and Lily went on a carriage away from them. 

    Sirius and James went to the carriage with Peter and Remus in it. "Ya know, I think Grace is really starting to like me. Do ya reckon she's got a crush on me?" said Sirius. 

    The other three laughed in response. 

    "What's that supposed to mean?" asked Sirius. 

`*`*`*`

    The Marauders were all in a train car together. Sirius was looking out the window, James was reading a book, and Remus and Peter were playing Wizarding Chess. 

    Peter was losing. 

    Suddenly, Sirius spoke up. "Where can I get a book on muggle manners? My family hates muggles. Why would we have a book on them?" 

    "You could go to a library," suggested Remus. 

    "A what?" asked Sirius. 

    Remus sighed. 

    "You could ask Lily and Grace," said Peter. "You and James hang out with them loads, and they're muggle born." 

    "Why would Lily and Grace give me help with an essay they assigned?" Sirius asked. 

    Peter shrugged and looked like he was thinking about it. 

    "What's your advice, James?" asked Sirius. He got no response from James. "James?" he repeated. "James?" 

    James looked up from what he was looking at. "What happened?" 

    "I asked you a question," said Sirius. 

    "Oh, what was it?" asked James. 

    "The same one I asked Remus and Peter." 

    "What was that?" 

    "James, what are you reading?" asked Sirius, craning his head to see the title. "_How to Catch Her Eye in Fifteen Steps or Less_?" asked Sirius. "That has got to be the saddest title for a book I've ever heard of." 

    "There's a book called _Marriage After 35 in Fifteen Steps or Less,_" said Remus. 

    "Alright, I take that back, then," said Sirius. "But still, a book on flirting? Prongs, what happened to you?" 

    "Er, nothing!" said James, turning red. 

    "You really suck at lying," sighed Sirius. 

    James closed the book and put it in his trunk while saying, "I was just needed a new approach," he said. Something fluttered out of the trunk while he was closing it. 

    "What's this?" asked Sirius, bending to pick it up. 

    James looked down, and hurriedly tried to grab it before Sirius in vain. 

    Sirius burst out laughing when he saw what it was. 

    "What is it, Padfoot?" asked Remus. 

    "It's brilliant!" said Sirius. "It explains everything!" 

    James tried to snatch it out of his hands, but Sirius hopped ontop of the seat and started jumping on it. 

    "Haha! I knew it! I never knew it was this bad!" he said. "Would you two hold him back?" Remus and Peter held onto James's robes. 

    "What's happened?" asked Peter. "What is that thing?" 

    "Well Wormtail, Prongs has been hiding something from us. This little piece of paper in my hands is not just any piece of paper!" 

    "What is it, then? Oooo! Is it a pony?" cried an excited Peter. 

    "Peter, why would a piece of paper be a pony?" asked Remus. 

    "He said it was not just any piece of paper! I've heard of this special pony that was made out of paper!" He sighed, "I want a pony." 

    "Alrighty then," said Sirius. "Ignoring that display of extreme stupidity: this is not just any piece of paper!" He paused for dramatic effect. 

    "Just tell us already," Remus said. 

    "It's," he flipped the paper over so they could see it, "a picture!" 

    "And of Lily!" cried Remus. 

    "I was hoping it was a pony," pouted Peter. 

    "That's not mine!" cried James. 

    "Yeah, uh huh. That explains perfectly why it fell out of _your_ trunk," said Sirius. 

    "Someone else must have put it in there!" said James. 

    "Yeah, I agree with you," said Sirius. 

    "You do?" asked James. 

    "Of course. Some random person who knew you liked Lily must have put it in there 'cause they knew you'd want to be able to look at her picture all summer," said Sirius. 

    "Exact- WHAT?!" cried James. "I do not like Lily!" 

    "Denial isn't exactly your thing, Prongsie," said Sirius. 

    "You didn't put that in there, did you Sirius?" asked Remus. 

    "No, I've never taken a picture of Lily. Prongs, who gave this picture to you?" asked Sirius. 

    "Didn't he take that that day in the Great Hall to use for a prank?" asked Remus. 

    "That's what he told us it was for…" said Sirius. 

    They both burst out laughing. 

    "I never took a picture of her! It must have been someone else!" cried James. 

    At that moment, Snape opened the door to their compartment. "Bella- oh, it's you. Having fun in lessons with the mudbloods? Have they taught you how to flirt yet?" he sneered. 

    "You know, they should teach you how to put on makeup again. Maybe we could talk them into a special Hygiene 101 class just for you!" said Sirius. 

    James, however, hadn't heard anything since the word mudblood, and he hexed Severus. "How dare you call Lily a mudblood!" 

    "Aw, got a little crush on the mudblood?" asked Snape. 

    James chased him out into the hall, and the door was closed behind him. 

    "Well, you two can go clean him up after he's done. I have to go talk to Grace and Lily about my essay," said Sirius. He grabbed something off the seat before he left. 

`*`*`*`

    Remus and Peter had gone back to playing chess when James came in. 

    "Sirius went to see Lily and Grace," said Peter. 

    A minute after that Remus said, "I'm surprised you're still here." 

    "What? I wouldn't go with him just so I could see Lily! That's just obsessive!" protested James. 

    "Er… sure, whatever," said Remus. "But that wasn't what I meant. I thought you wanted to keep the picture of Lily." 

    "I told you!" said James. "I didn't put that there! It must have been someone else!" 

    "Well, then I guess it's a good thing Sirius took it with him for Grace and Lily. They can return it to the proper owner," Remus replied calmly. 

    "He what?" cried James. "No, no, not good!" He ran out of the compartment. 

`*`*`*`

    "So, it has to be a meter?" asked Sirius. 

    "Yup," said Lily. "That's what we said." 

    "Oh, and I know exactly what the slacker that is you is thinking," said Grace. "In your tiny little brain you're thinking, 'I can always write really big.'" 

    "I was not," said Sirius, not sounding at all convincing. 

    Lily and Grace gave him who-do-you-think-you're-fooling looks, and Lily said, "We're giving you an essay that Grace wrote in the past- no it's not from any of the homework this summer-" she added at his look of hope, "to use as a guideline for word size. None of your words may pass that size." 

    "Fine, fine," muttered Sirius. Grace handed him the paper. "WHAT?" he cried out. "I need a magnifying glass to read this! The words are so tiny!" 

    "Stop over exaggerating," said Grace. "It's perfectly decent size! I can see it from here!" 

    "Grace, you have really good sight!" said Sirius. "You must be like that Supermuggle they were telling us about in Muggle Studies!" 

    "It's Superman," said Grace. "Maybe you just need glasses." 

    Sirius didn't get to reply because James came running in, panting. 

    "Padfoot, give me that picture!" he cried. 

    "What picture?" asked Sirius. 

    "Oh, I thought… er, never mind. I'll just be going," said James, walking out. 

    "Oh!" said Sirius before he walked out the door. "You mean your picture of-" He didn't get to say the last part because James had run over and covered Sirius' mouth with his hand. 

    "What picture?" asked Lily. 

    "No, don't ask them," said Grace. "Asking to see a picture of theirs is dangerous." 

    "It might possibly be dangerous," said Sirius. "James will kill me if and when I show you." 

    "You can't show them!" cried James. 

    "Oh, I think I can," said Sirius. 

    "No, they don't want to see it!" said James. 

    "Let's just ask them, then," said Sirius, putting a hand through his hair. "Do you girls wanna see the picture? It's the girl James has a crush on!" 

    "No!" cried a panicking James. "They definitely do not want to see the picture!" 

    "Oh, I think they do!" said Sirius. 

    "No, they don't!" cried James. 

    "I'm curious," said Grace. "This is getting interesting." 

    "I'm sure they won't tell anyone James," said Sirius. "I see no harm in showing them the picture." 

    "Of course we won't tell anyone!" said Grace. Lily was being silent. 

    James raised an eyebrow at Grace. "Why do you care? You hate me!" 

    "Hello, BLACKMAIL!" she cried. 

    "Yeah, blackmail!" said Sirius he held out his hand for her to high five. 

    Grace actually did high five him, to his amazement. 

    "What happened to the no contact rule?" he asked. 

    She shrugged, "I got caught in the moment. Besides, you haven't butchered any small animals recently." 

    "I'm just watching out for the well-being of my fellow creatures," said Sirius, one hand over his heart. 

    "You just want to get out of the essay," said Grace. 

    "Is it working?" asked Sirius. 

    Grace ignored that comment and turned to James. "So, what about this picture?" 

    "Oh, right! It's right here!" said Sirius, who began reaching into his pocket. 

    "Hey Sirius, wanna stay at my house this summer?" asked a desperate James. "I'm pretty sure we have a book on muggle manners!" 

    It worked. "Hell yeah!" cried Sirius, pulling his hand from out of his pocket. They began walking out of the compartment, talking about summer plans. "I have to go home first, but then I'll come-" The door closed. 

    Grace was looking at where Sirius had been sitting. "No way!" she cried. 

    "What?" asked Lily. She looked where Grace was looking and gasped. 

`*`*`*`

    "Thanks, Prongs!" said Sirius. "It'll be great to get away from dear old mum!" 

    "No problem, Padfoot. Now, can I have my picture back?" asked James. 

    "So you admit it's yours!" smiled Sirius. 

    "N-n-n-no! I never said that!" protested James. 

    "I'll give you back _your_ picture that _you_ put in _your_ trunk," said Sirius. He reached inside his pocket, and gasped. 

    "What's wrong?" asked James. 

    Sirius turned his pocket inside out to reveal a hole. 

    "Oh shit," said James. 

    "I'm sure we can get it," said Sirius. He walked quickly back to the girl's compartment. 

    He came back soon. 

    "Well?" said James. 

    "Erm… er…" stammered Sirius. 

    "Did they see it?" asked James. 

    "If in seeing it you mean were they staring at it transfixed with looks of shock on their face-" 

    "Shock? PADFOOT YOU LOSER! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" cried James, who began running after Sirius. 

    "I meant shock in a good way!" cried Sirius over his shoulder. 

    He ran into the compartment with Remus and Peter in it and locked the door. 

    "I can tell things went well," said Remus. 

    "How soon do you think I can change my appearance and identity? Can the Ministry do that?" Sirius asked. 

    "I take that back. I can see things went even better than I thought," said Remus. 

`*`*`*`

    James eventually forgave Sirius after he was given back his picture. Sirius had come to his house after running away from his own, so he was forced to forgive him, anyways. 

    Sirius had finished his essay the night before the train, but he had been working on it all summer. 

    "No telling what your girlfriend would do to me if it wasn't perfect," was his excuse. 

    "She's not my girlfriend!" James cried out. 

    "James has a girlfriend?" asked Mr. Potter, walking into the room. "How come you haven't told me?" 

    "She's not my girlfriend!" James repeated. 

    "Yeah, she keeps turning James down," said Sirius. "He's not exactly the most subtle guy ever." 

    "Keeps turning James down? Who is she?" Mr. Potter asked. 

     "That girl the Daily Prophet said he was engaged to," replied Sirius, taking a bite out of his dinner. 

    "Oh yeah, her," was the reply. "So, when am I going to meet my future daughter-in-law?" 

    "I'm not getting engaged to Lily!" cried James. 

    "I'd say about… seven months. That's when they'll get engaged," replied Sirius, ignoring James. 

    "Excellent. You won't get married to her for awhile yet, though. You're too young to get married. You can get engaged though." 

    "But I'm not even dating her!" James said, exasperated. 

    "You can bring her home for Christmas vacation," said his dad. "We're having a party. Gotta run!" He disapparated. 

    "I'm not marrying her!" cried James for the millionth time. 

    "Yeah, sure. So, I'm best man, right? You're not giving it to Moony or Wormtail! I've known you longer," Sirius pointed out. 

    James sighed in defeat. "Yeah, you can be my best man. I'm going to sleep now." 

    "Nightie night, Prongsie!" said Sirius. "Remember we get to see your lady love tomorrow on the train, so don't worry! You'll see her soon!" 

    "I'm surprised no one has killed you out of annoyance yet," said James. 

    "They've tried, but none have succeeded!" smiled Sirius. "No one can defeat the stupendous Sirius!" 

    James burst out laughing. 

    "What?" asked Sirius. 

    "There are so many things I could say to that," said James, walking out of the room. 

    "So you agree with me?" Sirius shouted to him. 

    He got no reply. 

    "Why does that always happen to me?" asked Sirius.

`*`*`*`

    The next morning Sirius ran through to Platform Nine and Three Quarters, 

    He hugged everyone he saw, excluding Slytherins, whether he knew them or not. Some girls squealed, but mostly people were creeped out. 

    "Black," said the person he had just hugged, "if you ever touch me again you're a dead man!" 

    "Just spreading around the first day che- Grace! Ahhhh!" he screamed, realizing who it was. "I thought you'd transferred! Actually," he said thoughtfully, "that was more a desire. But you're still here! Why?" 

    Grace raised an eyebrow at him. "I was hoping you were in a coma, but we can't all get what we want." 

    She walked off, and Sirius turned to Lily, running a hand through his hair. "Oh yeah, she wants me." 

    "Definitely," said Lily, rolling her eyes. 

    "I haven't given you a welcome-back hug yet!" he cried, hugging her, then running and hugging everyone again. 

`*`*`*`

    Grace passed James. "James, your friend is scaring the first years. Stop him!" said Grace. 

    "What he doing?" asked James. 

    "HEY SERENA! HEY JESSICA! WELCOME BACK, TORY! NO, PARKER, I'M NOT GAY, IT'S JUST A HUG! HELLOOOOOO LIZZY!" they heard past the noise of the crowd. 

    James shrugged. "He had sugar for breakfast today." 

    "Straight sugar?" asked Grace in disbelief. James nodded. "So Squirrel boy completely ignores the rest of the pyramid except for the top and eats nothing but sugar?" 

    "You leave out the meat section," James pointed out. 

    "Yes, but I value my teeth and my health! Next you're going to tell me he drinks nitroglycerin regularly!" 

    James shrugged again. "Sirius is a weird kid." 

    "No kidding, Einstein," said Grace. 

    "Who's Einstein?" asked James. 

    "A really smart muggle," said Grace. 

    "You think I'm smart?" asked James. 

    Grace walked away cursing the stupidity of wizards, leaving a confused James behind. 

    "SIRIUS!" shouted James, who was currently hugging a scared-looking second year. 

    "YEAH?" he shouted back. 

    "I'M GOING ON THE TRAIN NOW! I HAVE TO GO TO THE PREFECT CAR FOR A MEETING, BUT I'LL SEE YOU LATER!" 

    "BUT JAMES, YOU'RE NOT A PERFECT!" yelled Sirius. 

    "SIRIUS I'M HEAD BOY, REMEMBER?" 

    "YEAH RIGHT! DUMBLEDORE'D NEVER MAKE YOU HEAD BOY!" 

    "SIRIUS, YOU WERE WITH ME WHEN I GOT MY LETTER." 

    "OH YEAH! CONGRATS!" 

    "CAN YOU TWO STOP SHOUTING?" yelled someone else. 

    "SURE, WHATEVER," James and Sirius said in unison. 

    James boarded the train, and Sirius continued hugging everyone. 

    James walked to the car, and opened the door. There was currently one other person in there. 

    "Er… hi Lily," he said. 

    "James!" she said, turning bright red. "How was your summer?" 

    "It was good," he said. "And yours?" 

    "It was good," she said, and they both nodded and fell silent. 

    'Great,' thought James. 'One minute into the year and we've run out of things to talk about.' 

    "I noticed you didn't hold tryouts last year like you said you were going to," said Lily, finally speaking. 

    "Oh yeah! I forgot all about that!" said James. "I guess we can hold them Friday…" 

    "Great! I really can't wait to try out this time!" said Lily. 

    James smiled at her. "I think you've got a really good chance of making the team." 

    "Really?" she asked. 

    "Well, the Gryffindor captain told me. He said you were really something special," he winked. (a/n: james is talking about himself for anyone who's confused. not insulting your intelligence or anything, but I know someone's gonna ask me about it otherwise.) 

    Lily blushed. "So, what are you doing in here?" 

    He showed her his badge. 

    "Headboy? But I thought Remus…" 

    "Well, Dumbledore said that he'd noticed a big behavior improvement," said James. 

    Lily surprised him by giving him a hug. "James, that means the classes are working! That's so awesome! Oh, and it's Professor Dumbledore!" 

    James held on for a second, and Grace ran in, ruining the moment. Both pulled away blushing. 

    "James, where are you sitting?" she asked. "I figured I sit with you, even though you're sitting with Black. He needs to turn in that essay, anyways." 

    "I dunno," said James, still bright red. 

    "Well, can help me find it?" she asked. 

    "I'm sitting here," he said. 

    "But this is for prefects and the heads," Grace pointed out. 

    "He's Head Boy," said Lily. "The classes are working! Professor Dumbledore noticed!" "He actually made you Head Boy?" asked Grace. "Did you check the letter to make sure it wasn't in Black's handwriting? Sounds like a joke to me." 

    "Grace!" cried Lily. 

    "What? It is Black we're talking about here. It could happen," said Grace. "Well, I'm going to look for the other Musketeers." 

    "Marauders, Grace," said James. 

    "Right, whatever," she said, walking out. 

`*`*`*`

A/n: there was some l/j action there. it's seventh year now, which means they can start dating at any given moment. next chapter will have sirius's essay. that should be fun to write! 

oh, grace is getting mad at me for telling people that we can all share legolas, so he's hers. sorry! she also wants you all to know that she wouldn't date sirius, though remus possibly. 

mistake in last chapter: i forgot about the whole O.W.L.s in 5th year thing! they were just exams! sorry! 

Thanks for the reviews! 

sailorsunandchildofthesun: you can have frodo. i'm giving him to you. 

i o u a name: hahahahaha! v. funny joke! saying he belongs to you! no, no, my friend. orlando is MINE. yup. 

soupie: i love the whole arwen thing! steal aragorn from her! 

BlueTwilight24: i'm a dramatic c, you know this. 

Swabewwy ChocoAngel: nope, sorry, no closet. more legolas possibly, though! 

Little House Girl: i'm sorry! they would b interesting 2gether, but i have another person for grace! 

sissy-6: yeah, you can take elijah. i don't care as long as i get orly. 

TeArS oF fAtE: i'm glad u agree w/ me about the whole angry harry thing! he needs help or something. 

Carmel March: nope, siri and grace aren't gettin' together. though sirius is fallin' for her... 

Tribal Leader: thanx! i agree w/ u for the orlando thing. how can anyone think he's gay? they're just jealous. 

Kat44: thanx for telling me the mistake! any in this 1? 

Evelyn Halliwell: thanx for correcting me! 

Tiger12: yup, he loves grace. she hates him, though. 

citrus scented: you'll find out about what sirius learned next chapter! 

Lorelei6: i'm glad you see what i mean! yeah, they'd kill each other if they got together. 

JerseyGirl03: the real grace said i couldn't. she likes legolas 2 much. 

ChickoftheDarkMoon: thanx 4 reviewing!!! 

Cassandrah Potter: i love writing sirius beaten up scenes! i'm glad you like reading them! 

LoverOfAllThingsLegolas: greega! yup, u get talked about in the a/n! read it! 

Yael M.: yeah, i need an excuse to procrastinate! thanx! 


	12. Step Ten: Deflating Egos

`*`*`*`

**Step Ten:** _Deflating Egos_

    "-And so then I hugged Grace and she was all, 'Siry, please hug me forever! I wanna marry you and be your wife and have your children!'" Sirius was busy telling Remus and Peter about the morning's happenings in their train compartment. 

    "I'm sure that's exactly what she said," nodded Remus. "And right after that, she went outside and made herself a squirrel sandwich." 

    "No, no, Remus," said Sirius. "Grace doesn't eat meat." 

    Remus rolled his eyes. "Thank you for reminding me." 

    "So anyways, she practically declared her undying love for me," Sirius continued. 

    The door opened and Grace stepped in. "You people have no idea how hard you are to find!" 

    "Hi Grace," said Remus. "Shall we leave you and Sirius alone then?" 

    Grace looked really confused. "Lupin, are you on some new medication?" 

    "Oh no he isn't," said Peter. "He just said that 'cause Sirius was just telling us about how-" He was cut off by Sirius's hand over his mouth. 

    "About what?" asked Grace, glaring at them all suspiciously. 

    "About how I finished my beautiful essay! You should really see it!" said Sirius. 

    "Right," said Grace, obviously not convinced. 

    "It's right here!" Sirius exclaimed, pulling something out of his trunk. 

    "Let's see," said Grace, grabbing it and looking it over. 

    _Muggle people have had manners for ages. They've written loads and loads of books on it. But most importantly, I, Sirius Black, have read all of them. Actually, I've only a read a few of them. Okay, so I've only read one. Fine, I'll tell the truth! I read a chapter of one. But it was a long chapter! There were lots of chapters, too! I think around a thousand! Fine, so there were only ten. But they were ten really long chapters! _

    Manners are hard and really confusing if you're a muggle. Apparently, they've got even more rules than Minerva, who would be called Ms. McGonagall if she were a muggle. The rules are straightforward (isn't that a really neat word? I copied it right from the book! I mean, I made it up myself, 'cause I'm smart like that!), and simple. 

    Muggles have many rules for eating. The males are supposed to help the women get seated, and pull out their chairs. Which is brilliant, if you think about it - building a prank right into all this etiquette junk. You just pull her chair out from under her and blame it on the rules! Also, you're supposed to put your napkin in your lap, which makes no sense, as you don't eat with your lap. At least wizards don't. Maybe muggles are deformed. 

    Grace laughed several times in the duration that she read the paper. But by the end, she was laughing so hard that when Lily and James came into the compartment Lily demanded that Sirius take off whatever hex he had put on her. 

    "But I didn't put a hex on her!" Sirius cried. "I have absolutely no idea why she's acting like a deranged lunatic! All I did was give her my essay! I thought it was good!" 

    Grace laughed even harder at his words, and began rolling on the floor. 

    "Grace," said Lily, bending down to check on her. The guys were all maintaining their distances as though she had some horrible disease. "Grace, are you alright?" 

    It took awhile for Grace to calm down enough to speak, but when she finally could she turned to Lily. "L-Lils, you h-h-have to see-e what he's wr-written!" She burst into another fit of laughter, and pointed to where she had dropped the essay on the seat. 

    Lily stood up and walked over to the seat. "Alright then, let's see what we've got here." She grabbed the paper and sat down, reading. 

    In a few minutes, Lily was laughing just as hard as Grace, though her face was redder. 

    "Padfoot," said James, "what'd you put in the paper?" 

    Sirius was glaring at Lily and Grace, and didn't seem to hear James's question. "What I'd like to know," he began, turning red in anger, "is what the hell is wrong with the paper I worked so hard on!" 

    Grace and Lily were silent for a moment, then turned to each other and laughed even harder then before. 

    Sirius groaned. 

    "S-s-s-sorry, S-s-s-sirius!" laughed Lily. "We'll t-t-tell you in a sec!" 

    When they had finally composed themselves, Grace and Lily got up and sat on the seats. 

    "Now then," said Lily, as though she hadn't been laughing at all, "about your paper. It was very… very… Grace, what's the word I'm looking for?" 

    "_Interesting_," imputed Grace. 

    "Yes," agreed Lily. "That would be the best part for it. I especially liked the part when he talked about clothes!" 

    "Yeah!" agreed Grace. "I liked the whole, 'Men wear suit with vests, collared shirts, pants, and sometimes even a pocket watch!'" 

    "Oh, and we can't forget the part where he started talking about horses and buggies!" said Lily. 

    "Or the part where he started talking about dowry for marriage proposals!" cried Grace. 

    "Oh yes!" laughed Lily. "'One horse and twenty-six sheep works if you live in the country, but today's society is all about the handkerchiefs!'" 

    "Ah the handkerchiefs!" laughed Grace. "I loved the definition, 'something muggles use to bathe with!' Bathing with handkerchiefs! We're a very clean lot, we are!" 

    "Oh, and I loved the bit about fans!" said Lily. "'Fans are a _must_ in getting a marriage proposal. Ladies can flirt very well with them!' Oh, Sirius, I'm definitely taking a fan to our next ball so I can get a marriage proposal!" 

    "Me too!" cried Grace. "And I loved the comments he added!" 

    "Oh, I know!" laughed Lily. "Especially the parts about what women are supposed to wear!" 

    Grace laughed really hard. "Oh, the 'muggle women wear too much' one? Or was it the one after the bit about corsets?" 

    "Corsets!" laughed Lily. "That was the best part!" 

    "I know!" agreed Grace. 'Corsets are necessary in correcting a woman's figure. They squeeze her until she looks all skinny. They are a form of muggle torture device, and I hope Filch doesn't get ahold of one!'" 

    Grace and Lily just burst out laughing and kept laughing. 

    "What's so funny about all of that?" asked Sirius. "I thought it was good!" 

    "Sirius," said Lily, in-between spurts of laughter, "where'd you get all this from?" 

    "James has a library in his house. I just got a book from there," Sirius said. 

    "What was it called?" asked Grace. 

    "Er… _Etiquette for the 19th Century_, I think," he replied. 

    Grace and Lily laughed harder. 

    "Why do they keep doing that?" asked Sirius. "What's so funny about that title? It sounds fine to me!" 

    "B-b-b-because!" said Lily. "T-t-t-t-that book was mm-m-meant for the 1800's, not the 1970s!" 

    "No, it said _19th_ century, not 18th!" protested Sirius. 

    "Sirius, we're in the 20th century!" cried James, who looked, along with Remus, as though they finally got what Lily and Grace were saying. 

    "You mean I spent that much time on an essay, and it wasn't even right?!" cried Sirius. 

    "Yep," said Lily, who had finally managed to stop laughing. "That's the gist of it." 

    "Don't worry," said Grace, "we won't make you rewrite it. I think that's more than enough entertainment for one day." 

    "You're just letting me off because you think I'm sexy," said Sirius, retaining his old self. 

    Grace raised an eyebrow at him. "Legolas is sexy. Sirius Black is…" 

    "_Sexier_," inputted Sirius. 

    "Not the word I was going for," said Grace. 

    "Insane?" suggested Lily. 

    "Odd?" added James. 

    "Lacking just a tad bit upstairs?" added Remus. 

    "More than just a tad bit, but you get the point," said Grace. "Oh look, we're almost there." 

    "Time to put on dress robes," said Lily. The two girls walked out. 

    "Yeah," said Remus, "Grace loves you alright, Sirius." 

    "When's the wedding?" asked James. 

    "A wedding?!" cried Peter. "Am I invited?" 

    "We're not getting married yet!" said Sirius. He put a hand through his hair. "Grace wants to take it slow." 

    "Oh, she wants to take it slow alright!" said James. 

    "Yeah, any slower and they'd be goin' backwards!" said Remus. 

    "I dunno," said Peter. "I think they have a backwards relationship already." 

    "You're just jealous 'cause Grace loves me better!" cried Sirius. 

    "Yeah, better than she loves gum on her shoe!" said James. 

    "Hey, stop with the jokes!" said Sirius. "I know you all want to be me, but it's a hard process. It takes a lot of effort and time to do what I do!" 

    "And what's that?" asked Remus. 

    "I bring joy into the world," Sirius said simply. "Just look at me and you'll see." 

    They all stared blankly at him for a minute. "See what?" asked James. 

    "Why I bring joy into the world!" Sirius exclaimed. 

    The other three continued to stare at him blankly. 

    The door opened and Grace and Lily stepped back in. 

    "Grace! Lily!" cried Sirius. "Tell them why I bring joy to all who look upon me!" 

    "Thank you, Sirius!" cried Lily. 

    "What, you agree?" he asked. 

    "No, you've helped us think of a new thing you need to work on!" she replied. 

`*`*`*`

    "And the focus of this class is going to be deflating egos," said Lily, a week into the school year. 

    "What?!" cried Sirius. "Why does perfect Sirius need work on _that_?" 

    "So," said Grace, ignoring his comment like she usually did, "we have an assignment for you." 

    "But you just had an assignment for me!" moaned Sirius. 

    "And you did great on it," said Lily. "But this isn't a written assignment!" 

    "Yay!" cried Sirius, bouncing up and down in his seat. "No writing!" 

    "Wait," said James, giving them distrusting looks, "what is it?" 

    "You have to pay compliments to at least ten people a day," said Lily. 

    "People you don't usually talk to," said Grace. 

    "That's not so bad," said Sirius. "If that's all, I'll be on my way!" He walked out and bolted to the door. 

    "Not so fast, Mr. Black!" said Grace, grabbing his arm with amazing strength. "We weren't quite finished yet!" 

    "Don't make us go over manners, again!" said Lily. "Wait until we announce that class is ended!" 

    Sirius sat down quickly after that. 

    "Now," said Grace, "you have to pay ten compliments a day to people you don't usually talk to, _guys included in this_, and one to Snape." 

    "_What?!_" cried Sirius and James together. 

    "Snape?" cried James. "Are you crazy?" 

    "Are you trying to turn us into homos, or something?" asked Sirius. "Compliment guys _and_ Snape?!" 

    "Have you got something against homosexuals?" asked Grace, crossing her arms. "Because they're human beings just like you and me!" 

    "And why are you so uptight about complimenting Snape?" asked Lily. "You asked him out!" 

    "It was a simulation!" protested Sirius. "Oh, and it wasn't in public!" 

    "Don't say anything to make them mad," whispered James. 

    "Oh, and I already knew you didn't have anything against homosexuals," Sirius said to Grace. "You're in love with one." 

    "Like that," sighed James as Lily grabbed Grace from lunging at Sirius. 

    "You take that back, Black!" she cried. 

    "It's not Black, it's Mr. Black!" said Sirius. 

    "You shut your pie hole or you'll be calling your eye 'Mr. Black!'" she cried, straining against Lily's hold. 

    "James," said Lily, "a little help!" 

    James went over and helped her hold back Grace. 

    "I thought you two were done with this fighting," he moaned. 

    "If Sirius wasn't such a moron we wouldn't be fighting!" cried Grace. 

    "I'm a moron?" exclaimed Sirius. "At least I'm not gay!" 

    "I'm not gay! I don't go out asking other guys to date me like you did with Snape," said Grace. 

    "You made me do that!" cried Sirius. "Oh, and I think that you just admitted that you would never date a guy!" 

    "What? When did I say that?" protested Grace. 

    "When you said the bit about not asking other guys out on dates!" 

    "You knew what I meant!" 

    "Oh did I?" asked Sirius, raising an eyebrow. 

    Grace attempted to lunge at him. 

    "That's it!" cried Lily. "Sirius, Grace, broom closet. NOW!" 

    She and James both grabbed the two stunned people, and pushed them out of the room into the hallway. 

    They brought them to a door, and James opened it. 

    "Now you two can learn how to be nice to each other!" he cried. 

    Then something happened that neither Lily nor he was expecting. 

    Sirius and Grace had turned and put them together in the broom closet. 

    After locking the door, Grace turned to Sirius. They gave each other high fives and shouted, "Mission accomplished!" 

    "You got James's wand?" she asked him. 

    "Yup," he replied. "You got Lily's?" 

    "Right here," she said. 

    "Let us out!" cried Lily and James, pounding on the door. 

    "No, I don't think I will," said Grace, whispering a silencing charm. 

    "How long do you think it'll take 'til he asks her out?" asked Sirius. 

    "We both saw the picture," said Grace, "it's only a matter of time." 

    "Wanna bet on it?" asked Sirius. 

    "Why not? I love a good gamble," she said. 

    "I say ten galleons he asks her out tonight," said Sirius. 

    "That soon? No, I say it's in two days," she replied. 

    "Two days? We're keeping them in there that long?" asked Sirius. 

    "However long it takes," said Grace. "Besides, it's the weekend. We don't have any classes." 

    "I still say tonight," he said. 

    "Wanna raise your price?" she asked. "How about 50 galleons?" 

    They shook on it. "I hope you're prepared to lose some money," said Sirius. "'Cause the Magnificent Black is never wrong." 

    "The 'Magnificent Black' better have 50 galleons to lose, 'cause he's gonna!" cried Grace. 

    They had reached the Fat Lady by then. Grace said the password, and was about to step through when Sirius said, "At least I don't have to pay Snape compliments." He shuddered. 

    "What do you mean?" asked Grace. 

    "You know, the fake assignment you gave so that I'd get mad at you," he said. 

    "Fake?" asked Grace. "What do you mean _fake_?" 

    With that, she stepped through the portrait hole, leaving a crushed Sirius behind her. 

`*`*`*`

A/n: sorry it took so long to update! the next one should be in a week or 2 latest! i've just had crew since august (which ends next week), so i should have more time! 

Lily and James together in a broom closet. Who knew Grace could be so devious? I'm thinkin' this story is gonna be ending soon, which sux for me cuz i'm running out of ideas for stories! we'll see if i can think of a new original 1! if any1 wants to offer ideas, i'm open. 

i love everyone who reviewed! You all made my day! 

i o u a name- did i c pirates of the caribbean? only 4 times! it would have been more but i ran out of money. :( orlando is still MINE! 

Carmel March- i posted again! it only took me forever! 

The Bronze Snidget- i hope you liked the essay! 

LoverOfAllThingsLegolas- gonna be my first reviewer? huh? huh? i won't carve your statue in marble unless you are! 

JerseyGirl03- i'm glad you like it!!!! 

soupie- i know! it's going by so quick. *sob* 

Lorelei6- i hope this update was just as fantastic as the other one! did you hug everyone when you went 2 school? 

Manny2003- yup, 7th year! 

crazyinluv- i'm sorry it's taking me so long! the next one will be extra son, just for you! 

Alex smiley- I'm glad you like the fic! Miss Greenleaf could care less about Orlando Bloom. She likes Leoglas. Orlando, however, is MINE! 

Tiger12- i'm sorry it took so long! 

Cassandrah Potter- sorry! i can't join the site! i would if i could! and i'd take divination! 

Kat44- you'll find out soon enough who grace goes with! 

Unhealthily-Obsessed- yeah highly obssessed girls! lol 

Willow23- sure! take sirius! i'll even write you in the story if you want, just tell me what name to use. 


	13. Tales From a Broom Closet

`*`*`*` 

**Tales From a Broom Closet**

~*~*~Back Tracking~*~*~     

"No, I don't think I will," said Grace.     

Outside, two people walked away, but Lily Evans and James Potter were fully stuck in a closet.     

"That's not what was supposed to happen," said a perplexed Lily.     

"I really hate Sirius right now," said James.     

"Not as much as I hate Grace!" exclaimed Lily.     

"No, it's definitely less than I hate Sirius!" argued James.     

"Not possible!" countered Lily.     

They continued fighting over whom hated whom more before Lily said, "Come to think of it, right now I hate Sirius, too."     

"Just as I hate Grace," said James.     

Then they looked at each other laughed.     

"We're being just as bad as them!" said Lily.     

"Isn't that something like the reason why we were about to put them in here?" asked a laughing James.     

It was after this comment that they both realized that they were in a broom closet. Together.     

"Er…" said Lily, "so…"     

"Yeah…" said James.     

"Maybe we should try to get out," suggested Lily. "Oh no!" she then exclaimed. "Grace took my wand!"     

James couldn't find his either. "Sirius took mine!"     

Lily began pounding on the door. "Let us out! Let us out!"     

"They put a silencing charm on," said James, sinking to the floor with his head on his lap.     

"How do you know?" asked Lily.     

"Because I heard them," said James. "They can be very tricksy."     

"And false," added Lily. "Now what are we supposed to do?"     

"Stay here until they let us out," said James.     

"I know, but it's gonna be at least morning until they let us out! Where are we gonna sleep?" cried Lily.     

"Here," said James.     

"Stop being so obvious!" said Lily. "That was a rhetorical question! Why can't you just freak out and be pessimistic, like me?"     

"Because you're too much fun to watch," smiled James.     

Another one of those awkward silences prevailed.     

"What are we supposed to do until they come back?" asked Lily.     

"We could sleep," suggested James. "Or talk."     

"About what?" asked Lily.     

"Well, about our lives. All I know about you is that you've got a friend with one hell of a punch and an even better kick."     

"Okay," said Lily, "you start."     

Lily slid onto the floor next to James, and they talked for a really, really, really long time.     

Somewhere into telling him about her life, she stopped. "James?" she asked.     

"Yeah?"     

"Why did you have my picture?" she asked.     

James was bright red, and didn't answer to start off. "I… er… that is…"     

"You don't have to tell me," said Lily.     

James sighed. "You see, it's like this…"     

A long paused ensued, which Lily broke with a "Yes?"     

James seemed to be thinking for a bit. When she said that, he turned with a look of decision on his face. He leaned over and kissed her on the lips.     

Lily was shocked for a few moments before she started to enjoy it.     

They had somehow moved against the door when it was opened. They tumbled out to Sirius, who said, "Good morning my little sunflo-wer-er-ers!" he finished in shock.     

Grace, who was right next to him exclaimed, "Bloody hell!"     

"Padfoot," said James getting up, then helping Lily, "you have awful timing!"     

Sirius let out an enormous grin, and turned to Grace. "Guess who owes me fifty galleons!"     

"Guess who I owe a slap if he doesn't stop gloating in a minute!" countered Grace.     

"Ah, so you admit it," Sirius said.     

"We did bet on it," Grace grumbled.     

"You bet on us?" cried Lily. "That's so low! Oh, and mean, stupid-"     

"What'd you bet on?" asked James, and Lily continued on listing the things that Grace and Sirius were.     

"How long it'd take you to get together," said Sirius. "And I won! You got together now!" He turned to Grace again. "They got together now!"     

"We aren't together!" said Lily, who had just finished off her list with Gollum-like.     

"Oh yeah, you were just snogging in a broom closet for fun," said Sirius.     

"No!" said Lily. "We're just not together."     

"Oh yeah?" said Sirius. "They why'd you decide to snog in a broom closet instead of the common room?"     

"You put us in the broom closet!" exclaimed Lily.     

Sirius paused for a second. "Why were you snogging, then?"     

"Er…" said Lily, turning ever redder.     

"Well, James?" asked Sirius. "Maybe you can answer."     

James glared at him before grabbing Lily's hand and pulling her away. "Lily and I need to talk. _Alone_," he added when it became apparent that Sirius was going to follow.     

"Fine, fine," said Sirius. "Be that way. So Grace, where's my money?"     

"Lily just said they weren't together yet. That means he hasn't asked her out yet. I owe you nothing," said Grace.     

"Well, that's cheap! You play really dirty, Greenleaf. Say, why don't I talk to you _alone_," he said.     

"What do you think we're doing right now? Doesn't look like there are a lot of people to me," said Grace.     

"No, I mean _alone_," said Sirius.     

Grace snorted. "Dare to dream, Black," she said.     

"Oh, I will," said Sirius. "Say, I wonder Lily and James are doing."     

"That was a quick change of subject," commented Grace. "I don't think you'll be able to find them. Even if you did they'd stop talking."     

"That's what you think!" said Sirius. "Come on," he grabbed her arm and began tugging her to the Room of Requirement, "we've got people to watch." 

`*`*`*`

    

"Lily," said James once he had her alone with him, "about earlier…" He raked a hand through his hair.     

"Yeah, what about it?" she asked.     

"It was because… well, you see I did it because… I- er- like you," he mumbled out, turning red.     

"What?" asked Lily. "I couldn't understand you."     

"I like you," he said a bit louder.     

Lily turned bright red, but she began smiling. "I like you, too," she said.     

A smile graced James's face. "Really? You do?"     

Lily nodded.     

"Then… er… will you… erm… will you go out with me?"     

"I'd be glad to," Lily responded, damning whoever invented blushing.     

James looked shocked for a second before he finally came to. "Really? You will? That's great! Wow! Er…"     

"James," said Lily, "shut up and kiss me."     

James shrugged. "Yeah, alright."     

He complied. 

`*`*`*`

    

"Whatever happened to their manners?" asked Sirius, as he and Grace watched from a screen that might have been a television, but was actually a picture frame.     

"I still can't believe that you can look on anyone in the school you want!" cried Grace. "Wait… you've never looked at me, have you?"     

Sirius bluntly ignored her question, his gaze fixed on the frame. "Wow, James looks like a good kisser!"     

"Thinking of kissing him?" asked Grace.     

He was pulled out of his reverie. "No! Of course not! I'm just surprised that he's been holding out like that. He doesn't seem the sort."     

"Sort?" questioned Grace.     

"You know, sexy, charming, manageable hair, the initials S.B.," said Sirius.     

"You think you're a good kisser?" asked Grace.     

"Wanna find out?" asked Sirius, licking his lips.     

"I'd rather burn in hell for all eternity," said Grace.     

"Suit yourself, there's lots of girls who want a piece of this," said Sirius.     

"You poor, sick soul," said Grace. "You've been seriously misinformed in your pathetic life, haven't you?"     

"I'm not sick," said Sirius. "No colds, dragon pox, or anything. Madam Pomfrey just checked me up last time I went."     

"Sirius, sometimes your stupidity overrides anything I've ever seen before," said Grace.     

"Oooo! Lily looks like a good kisser, too! Look at that!" said Sirius, transfixed on the frame.     

Grace said the spell that turned the screen off. "That's enough for now."     

"But Grace," whined Sirius, "it was just getting to the good part!"     

"You sound like a three year old! Anyway, I'm sure they'll be snogging enough in the common room due to their new relationship," said Grace.     

"You admit it!" cried Sirius. "You admit that I win! You owe me money!"     

"Not so fast, Black. You said that if they got together last night I had to pay you. They didn't get together last night; they got together this morning. It looks like _you_ are the one that owes _me_ the money," said Grace, crossing her arms.     

"You play dirty, Greenleaf. But, so do I! For you see, technically I owe you nothing!" said Sirius.     

"What? Yeah you do!" cried Grace.     

"No, I don't! You said something about it taking two days. It only took twenty-four hours," said Sirius, imitating her by crossing his arms.     

"I have a solution!" said a painting behind them. They turned and were shocked to see that is was of Dumbledore.     

"Er, yes professor?" said Grace.     

"I think you should give _me_ the money, that way everybody wins," said painting-Dumbledore.     

"How do we win if we're giving you are money?" asked Sirius. Grace nudged him. "What? I'm just saying…" he hissed.     

"He's a professor!" she hissed back.     

"Well," said the painting, "then neither of you is right and I get some money!"     

"I must admit that I never thought I would hear you say that," said Sirius. "Wait 'til I tell James! I wonder where he is right now."     

"You're kidding, right?" said Grace.     

"Why, do you know where he is?" asked Sirius.     

Grace sighed. "Do you have the memory of a goldfish?"     

"Oh, he's with Lily! Thanks for reminding me!" cried Sirius.     

Grace looked at him confused. "How did I remind you of _that_?"     

"Well, you said goldfish, and I like watching goldfish swim around. I also like girls. What do I do with girls? We snog. So then I remembered, Lily, James, snogging! Right!"     

Grace rubbed her temples. "Remind me never to ask you anything ever again."     

"He's rather confusing, isn't he?" asked Dumbledore.     

"You have no idea," Grace replied. 

`*`*`*`

    

Lily and James walked up to lunch hand-in-hand, laughing at something or the other.     

Grace and Sirius were waiting for them outside the Great Hall.     

"Hiya mate," said Sirius. "Lily, I have newfound respect for you. You too, Jamesie." He then skipped off into the Great Hall.     

"What was that about?" asked Lily.     

"Don't even ask. Sirius Black has the most messed up mind I've ever seen," said Grace. "I found this out today."     

"Only today?" asked James. "You don't catch on real quick, do you?"     

Grace didn't seem to hear him, but Lily could tell she had when Grace said, "So, you and Lily were snogging all afternoon. Sirius tells me you're really good. Is there any reason he would know?"     

James turned red, and reminded himself that Grace couldn't take jokes, which Sirius had already told him.     

Doesn't catch on real quick, does he? 

`*`*`*`

    

"What took so long?" asked Sirius when they all walked in. "I've been here a minute more than you people."     

"A _whole_ minute?" asked James.     

"Yeah! All alone," Sirius hung his head in mock solemnness.     

They sat down to eat and Sirius spoke again. "So, are you two a couple?"     

Grace raised an eyebrow at him, and he winked at her. She glared back at him, but pretended nothing had happened.     

"Yeah," smiled James, wrapping his arm around Lily's waist, "we are."     

"You couldn't have waited another day, could you?" muttered Grace under her breath.     

"What was that Grace?" asked Lily.     

"Nothing, just commenting on how lovely the weather was," said Grace.     

"So," said Sirius, looking at Lily, "how'd he ask you?"     

"Sirius!" cried Grace. "That's personal!" She added to him in a whisper, "Besides, you already know."     

Sirius ignored her. "Fine, then is he a good kisser?"     

Lily was bright red. "Yeah, he was good."     

"Good, he looked great! I mean, I'll have to take your word for it," said Sirius.     

"Sirius," said James, "were you spying on us?"     

"Of course not!" cried Sirius.     

"Sirius," said James in a warning tone.     

"Define spying," said Sirius.     

"You were spying on us?" shrieked Lily. "Why were you spying on us?"     

"I never said I was spying on you!" cried Sirius.     

"But you were!" said James.     

"Define spying," Sirius repeated.     

"Sneaking up on us, possibly under the protection of invisibility, and watching," said James.     

"Oh, no I didn't do that," said Sirius. "No sneaking or invisibility involved."     

"You were watching us, though? How?" asked James.     

"A magician never reveals his secrets," said Sirius.     

"You were watching us?" asked James.     

"That's low!" said Lily.     

They walked out when they were done hexing him.     

"Sirius," said Grace, "remind me never to take you to a poker game. Oh, and purple is your color. You should wear your hair like that everyday." 

`*`*`*`

A/N: Sirius gets beaten up and hexed an awful lot, doesn't he? 

i posted because i love you all so much! the next chapter should be out v. soon (i have a thing against the # 13, so my 14th chapters always come out quick). anyone want lots of fluff? tell me if so! 

does anyone want me 2 email them when i post? cuz that can be arranged! 

thanks for all of the marvelous reviews! 

LoverOfAllThingsLegolas: technically NOT the first reviewer, but maybe this time, right? oh, and i did notice the whole s.b. thing. creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy! 

JerseyGirl03: yeah it was a set up! (it took him SO long 2 ask her out ;)) 

i o u a name: i also saw PotC the day it came out. i can't wait for return of the king!!!!!!! it's gonna be great! 

sailorsunandchildofthesun: damn straight he's the hottest guy in the world! lol 

Willow23: you're like lily!!!! you'll be in a chapter sometime soon. i haven't decided when to put it yet, though. 

Cassandrah Potter: you liked the essay?! thanx for telling me! i was worried about it! 

BastsCleopatra: i'm glad you love it! that makes me happy! 

The Bronze Snidget: wanna work out our problems? tyou could give me an idea for a story and i could write it... 

Horse-Obssesed: thanx 4 the fairy tale idea! i think i'll take you up on it! 

irina: your friend told you about it?! omg that's so awesome! that made my day! 

Carmel March: dumbledore won, are you mad? lol 

sissy-6: whatever happens, it will be a complete ending, no worries! 

Neo-Queen Serenity: here it is! i hope you liked it! 

Manny2003: hope you liked the broom closet! 

Sparxlie Pixie: i'm a poligamist, 2! (grace would kill me if she knew...) 

LunaMoon7: grace loves legolas. technically greenleaf isn't his last name, but i told her i would write it for her! 

Melly: glad you liked it! 

macedonia: hope you enjoyed it! 

Lady J.: that be great! i'd love your ideas! 

soupie: faves list? i luv ya'! 

Unhealthily-Obsessed: lily and james require no food. they're special-like. 


	14. Step Eleven: Observing Romaticism

`*`*`*`

**Step Eleven:** _Observing Romanticism_

    The first and only thing Ray Chang said to Lily and James when he approached them in the Great Hall later that night was, "Why?" 

    When he walked off, the two were left staring confusedly at Leslie. 

    "Oh don't mind him," she said. "He's still pissed about the whole double date thing. But," she said quickly when James got a terrified look on his face, "he's almost over it. Enough that he won't do anything _rash_." 

    "Thank you," said James, "that's so comforting." 

    "He's just angry that someone did that to his girlfriend," explained Leslie. 

    "Girlfriend?!" shrieked Lily. 

    "_Girlfriend_?" cried James, with slightly more horror than Lily. 

    "Yeah, haven't you heard?" shrieked back Leslie. "Oh, I _have_ to tell you!" 

    James looked back and forth between the two of them, then said, "I'm going to go avoid Chang while you two discuss his love life." 

    "Go right ahead, sweetie," said Lily, clearly not paying attention to him at all. She and Leslie sat down at the Ravenclaw table (A/n: Leslie and Gwen are in Ravenclaw, sorry if that confused anyone), and began discussing the Gwen-Ray hookup. 

`*`*`*`

    James walked swiftly over to the Gryffindor table. 

    "Well mate," he said to Sirius, "I'm gonna die." 

    "What? Why?" asked Sirius. "How serious is it?" 

    "It's worse than if you told Grace that her fairy bloke was gay," said James. 

    "_Worse_?" exclaimed Sirius. 

    "Worse," nodded James. 

    "I'm sitting right here, you know," said Grace. 

    "Grace, don't interrupt other people's conversations," said Sirius. "Honestly, and you're supposed to be teaching _us_ manners?" He turned back to James. "How much worse?" 

    "Two words: Ray Chang," said James. 

    Sirius counted on his hand. "Yup, Ray Chang is two words, congratulations. What about him?" 

    "You know his great left hook?" asked James. 

    "He gave me a black eye with that left hook," said Sirius. "Well, among other things." He winced in memory. 

    "Yeah, I know," said James. "He cracked two of my ribs." 

    "Oh yeah! You were bleeding all over the place!" said Sirius. 

    "Ew! I'm eating!" cried Grace. 

    "Erm, Grace," said Sirius. "First off, you interrupted me again. Where are those manners, huh? And secondly, you're eating asparagus. Asparaguses are vegetables. Vegetables don't bleed. There's no reason to be disgusted by that." He turned back to James. "So, what about Ray Chang?" 

    "Left hook." 

    "Left hook? Ray Chang?" 

    "Ray Chang." 

    "Just now?" 

    "No!" 

    "No?" 

    "NO!" 

    "When?" 

    "We just discussed this!" 

    "When?" 

    "Just now!" 

    "Now?" 

    "Yes!" 

    "Where was I?" 

    "Right here!" 

    "Right here?" 

    "Right here!" 

    Lily sat down next to James during this argument. "Grace, why is Sirius repeating everything James says?" 

    "James is trying to tell him, I think. I dunno. He lost me at Ray Chang," said Grace. 

    "Ray Chang?" asked Lily. 

    "Yup," said Grace. "But don't do that, you sound like them," she motioned over to James and Sirius. 

    "Ray Chang and Gwen are dating!" cried Lily. 

    Sirius heard this and paled. "You're kidding, right?" 

    "I was trying to tell you!" said James. 

    "Me?" asked Sirius. 

    "You," said James. 

    "What?" 

    "That." 

    "That?" 

    "That." 

    "No!" cried Grace. "No more! I hate that! Yes Sirius, he was trying to tell you that Ray and Gwen are going out and that Ray's gonna kill him! Now we're done, no more." 

    "Grace, you really need to control your temper," said Sirius. 

    Grace ignored him. "So, they're going out? Took them long enough!" 

    "I know!" said Lily. "That's what I said! He did it all romantic, too!" 

    "He did?" asked Grace. "How?" 

    "She got a poem by owl one morning and it told her to go to this one room at five o'clock. When she gets there he's laid out this candlelit dinner and has rose petals all throughout the room. He did it like a proposal, and got her this promise ring. He had a person serenading them, too!" relayed Lily. 

    Grace sighed. "If only stuff like that happened to me!" 

    "Oh, I know!" cried Lily. 

    "Damn Chang!" muttered James. 

    "I think he's trying to make it harder for us," said Sirius. 

    "This is worse than a punch. Do you know how hard it's gonna be to top that?" asked James. 

    "Hm…" said Sirius. "Actually, it shouldn't be that hard. Here, I'll show you." 

    "Right now?" asked James. 

    "There's no time like the present," said Sirius. 

    "I'd like to see you try," said James. 

    "Alright then, I shall. I was going to ask out this girl anyways," said Sirius. 

    "Who?" asked James. 

    "See that pretty girl sitting next to the not so pretty one at the end of the table?" asked Sirius. 

    Lily and Grace turned their attention to him, as he had said it rather loudly. 

    "That's so mean!" cried Grace. 

    "I can't believe you're talking like that!" said Lily. 

    "Don't get your knickers in a twist," said Sirius. "Just watch and learn." 

    "Learn what?" asked Grace, but Sirius had already walked away. 

    He disappeared for quite awhile. 

    The candles suddenly dimmed. Sirius's magically magnified voice came singing over the Great Hall. 

    "Natalie, you're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you. You'd be like heaven to touch. I wanna hold you so much. At long last love has arrived, and I thank God I'm alive. You're just to good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you." He appeared then, pointing at the "pretty girl sitting next to the not so pretty one at the end of the table." 

    "You've got to be kidding me," said James, as all the females in the room cried, "Awwwwwwwwww!" 

    "Natalie," said Sirius, still singing, "would you put me out of my single misery and be my girlfriend?" 

    "Yes!" cried Natalie. She threw her arms around him in a huge hug, and he winked at James. 

    "Sirius," cried Lily when he came back, "that was so sweet!" 

    "Yeah, thanks a lot, Sirius," said James sarcastically. 

    "No problemo," said Sirius. "I'm happy to make you look bad in front of Lily anytime." 

    He brought his stuff over to where Natalie was sitting, and they didn't see him for the rest of the night. 

`*`*`*`

    "James, I have to talk to you and Sirius," said Grace at breakfast the next morning. 

    "Where is Sirius?" asked Lily, sitting down next to James. 

    "I haven't seen him since last night," said James. "I feel like I've lost my best friend." 

    Grace looked over at him and raised an eyebrow. 

    "I'm kidding, Grace," he said. 

    "I know. Just the way you said it, like it was a bad thing to lose, or something," replied Grace. 

    "Are you jealous of Natalie?" asked James slyly. 

    "For what?" asked Grace. 

    "For taking precious Sirius away from you?" asked James. 

    Grace looked at him like he was insane. "Wait, lemme think, this is a tough one. How about _no_." 

    "You know you love him," said James. 

    "It's a love that burns so deep the fires in hell cannot compare," added Sirius, sitting next to James. 

    "You two caught me," said Grace, rolling her eyes. "I'm head over heels in love with Sirius Black." 

    "Can I quote you on that?" asked James. 

    "Sorry, I'm already taken," said Sirius at the same time. 

    Grace ignored them both, as usual. "So Lily and I had to remind you to pay up those compliments. You haven't been doing like we asked." 

    "That was fake," said Sirius. "It was part of a master plan!" 

    "Yeah!" agreed James. "I thought you made it up!" 

    "Well, you thought wrong," said Grace. 

    "That was the only part of that lesson I agreed with," said Lily. "It was great homework." 

    "But I have…" trailed James in thought. 

    "You have what?" asked Lily. 

    "I have Quidditch practice! And so do you, Lily! It's hard work, being on the Quidditch team." 

    "Nice try, James," said Lily. "But I don't think so." 

    "Fine," said James. "Grace, you look human today." Leslie and Gwen walked passed the table. "Leslie, your hair looks interesting. Gwen, you look fine, even if your judgement in boyfriends isn't. Oh, hi Roy, didn't see you there. Your muscles look bigger than before. Have you been working out?" 

    The three just walked past the table. 

    Sirius and Grace exchanged a look. 

    "I've got to go to the library," said Lily, standing up. 

    "Great!" said Sirius. "Well, I've just got to talk to my buddy, James, here." 

    Lily left. 

    "James," said Sirius, "where did you learn to compliment?" 

    "Your hair looks _interesting_?" asked Grace. "Interesting is not a compliment." 

    "What?" said James. "I thought I did fine." 

    Grace and Sirius exchanged another glance. 

    "I think we need an emergency class," said Grace. 

    "I actually agree with you," said Sirius. 

    "Charms classroom, then," said Grace. 

`*`*`*`

    "Now, Lily can never live with you until you learn to pay her the respect she needs," said Sirius. 

    "Wow, that was actually intelligent sounding, Black," said Grace. 

    "Thanks," he said. "I've been reading _Witch Weekly_." 

    "Er… okay," said Grace. "Anyways, a girl never looks fine. Fine can imply many things, the main one being that she doesn't look as good as normal." 

    "And girls like to be compared to pretty things," said Sirius. "Flowers, snow, butterflies, stuff like that. Not pond scum or cleaning detergent, though. Believe you me, that is not something to compare her with." 

    "Moonlight, things that are pretty in nature," added Grace. "They all work." 

    "Sun light, star light, Christmas lights," added Sirius. 

    "How do you know about Christmas lights?" asked Grace. 

    "They're shiny," shrugged Sirius. 

    "Why are you doing this to me?" asked James. 

    "Because, the only time I've been remotely impressed with your speaking abilities is the one time you complimented Lily in class," said Grace. 

    "I asked her out," cried James. 

    "L-l-l-l-lily, w-w-w-w-w-w-will you please go out with poor, helpless me. I have no romantic bone in my body, but I'm sure we can work something out!" mocked Sirius. 

    "Squirrel man has that down pat," said Grace. "No, you need to listen to this." 

    "Lily is a beautiful girl. Beautiful girls like to be complimented every so often. It's like a sign of appreciation," said Sirius. 

    "Sirius, that was so feminine sounding," said James. 

    "I know! These lessons are making me lose touch with my inner sex god!" cried Sirius. 

    "_Right_," said Grace. "Moving on, more about complimenting…" 

    "Be romantic! Like her Prince Charming!" said Sirius. 

    "Prince Charming?!" cried Grace. "No way! He only fell for Cinderella because she was pretty. She was an airhead. Honestly, who marries a person they've met the night before? Guys don't think with their heads, that's the problem." 

    "What do we think with, then?" asked Sirius. 

    "I'll give you a hint: you think with it," said Grace. 

    "My head?" asked Sirius. 

    "No," said Grace. 

    "I know what Sirius thinks with!" cried James. 

    "My head!" cried Sirius. 

    "He's hopeless," sighed James. 

    "As are your compliments," said Grace. "So, moving on…" 

`*`*`*`

    "Where have you three been all day?" asked Lily at the Great Hall. "I've been looking all over." 

    "These two have passed their complimenting homework," said Grace. Sirius and James both whooped. "Except for the complimenting Snape part," she added. 

    "W-w-what?" gasped Sirius. 

    "Nooooooooooooooooo!" cried James. 

    "Just one little compliment each," said Grace. 

    "Fine, fine, fine," said Sirius. "OY, SNAPE! YOUR NOSE LOOKS LESS… LESS… WELL, LESS!" 

    "AND YOUR SKIN LOOKS AS THOUGH IT'S SEEN SOME SUN! YOU MUST HAVE BEEN OUTSIDE FOR AT LEAST FIVE MINUTES IN THE PAST YEAR!" added James. 

    "That'll do," said Grace. 

    "You count those as compliments?" asked Lily. 

    "If you'd heard some of the stuff I have the past few hours, you'd agree," said Grace. 

    "Like what?" asked Lily. 

    "Grace, your hair looks as brown as the pond by my house," she mocked. 

    "That was a good one!" said Sirius. "My favorite was, 'Your skin is like watered down milk, so white it's almost see-through.'" 

    Grace burst out laughing. "Followed by, 'Your uniform looks as though it's been ironed today." 

    Sirius joined in her laughter. 

    "Yeah, yeah, laugh at my expense," said James. 

    "James," said Lily, struggling to keep a straight face, "it's alright. Not everyone can be the best complimenter in the world." She burst out laughing. "S-s-s-sorry. I s-s-shouldn't be laughing. I'm n-n-n-not laughing at you." 

    "Yeah you are!" laughed Sirius. 

    "I'm done with you people," said James, walking off. 

`*`*`*`

A/n: the song sirius sings is by some lady, but more importantly, it's sung by heath in _10 things i hate about you_. 

i know, i know. it's late. u can blame grace 4 me not getting it up last week (jk grace, jk) 

i dunno how many more chapters there r gonna be. i know they're coming 2 the end of the program, cuz i wanted it to be a 12 step program, but i could have grace and lily checking up on them for 37 million more chapters. i dunno. have yet to decide. 

o, and you should all go read grace's story about me called "Dreams of the Meghan" (her penname is LoverOfAllThingsLegolas, so fitting, i know). she's on my fav's list. check it out! especially orlando lovers! 

i o u a name- sirius does rock my sock(s). 

Unhealthily-Obsessed- erm.... maybe not. ah well, u can have a special prize anyways. 

Carmel March- dumbledore rox. 

JerseyGirl03- sorry it took so long to update! 

soupie- aw!!!!! thanks!!! 

crazyinluv- sorry about the weekly thing. i'll try. 

willow23- ur in this chapter!!!!!! 

Alice of Wonderland- thanx 4 reviewing! 

Lorelei6- naw they r temporary friends. i'm glad the hugging thing worked out... 

sailorsunandchildofthesun- sleep deprivation: it affects us all. and i wonder who the best maurader is? maybe i'll have a poll... 

Cassandrah Potter- yeah, great review! author alert list? wow, am flattered! 

Alia5- thanx for the compliment! 

macedonia- no changing my mind about grace and sirius, sorry. they have ppl already. it'll all work out. 

Hermione06560- sirius is an easy person to torture. 

The Bronze Snidget- u send this 2 ur friends?????? u rock! 

ally (sissy-6)- hehe, if possible, he's having an even worse time! 

Tiger12- glad u like it! 

LoverOfAllThingsLegolas- locked up in a closet w/ 1 of the dans? which one? oh, and u were SO not the frist person 2 review this, greega. u need 2 work on that. 

Céline- yes, he rather does deserve it, doesn't he? 

Elven Dagger- sorry it took so long! 

Lima Beans- bridge, bridge, bridge. no lying 4 me! i updated like i said i would! 

ThreeEaredBunny- glad ur hooked! it makes me feel special ish! 

LunaMoon7- of course they're having lessons! james needs work!! loved ur story! 


	15. Step Twelve: Finals

`*`*`*`

**Step Twelve:** _Finals_

    

"So, when are you going to make your move?" asked Sirius to James the next week in the dorm room.     

"My move?" asked James, looking thoroughly confused. "What are you going on about?"     

"Your move," he repeated. "Don't tell me you've forgotten about your lessons already!"     

"Lessons? You mean the romantic ones?" asked James.     

"Yeah! What'd you think I meant?" asked Sirius. "You think that after I finally get to teach something that I wouldn't assign homework? I had to write an essay! I was being easy on you!"     

"Fine," said James. "Give me some time! I'll make 'my move.'"     

Sirius looked at him disbelievingly.     

"What?" said James. "Eventually I'll get around to it!"     

"Yeah, eventually never," he replied.     

"You say that as though you have no trust in me. It hurts," said James, placing his hand on his heart.     

"You're such a drama queen, James," said Sirius. He then got an evil smirk on his face. "I'm going to have to start calling you queenie."     

"You're not!" cried James.     

"Hey queenie, let's go see what Grace says about your homework!" cried Sirius, rushing out the door.     

"NOOOOO!" cried James. "Not Grace! Come back!"     

It was too late.     

Sirius could run fast down stairs.     

"Hey Gracie-kins!" said Sirius, walking over to where she was seated in the common room.     

"Sirius, what have I told you about giving me pet names?" asked Grace.     

"That I shouldn't if I want to see the light of day," said Sirius.     

"Exactly. Now, what did you have to say?" she asked.     

"Well James doesn't think he should do his homework so-" started Sirius.     

"Sirius!" James yelled, finally catching up with him. "What are you doing?!"     

"Precisely what I said I was going to. Queenie here isn't doing his homework and-"     

"James," cut in Lily, "you should always do your homework!"     

"L-l-l-lily!" cried James. "I didn't see you there!"     

"Neither did I," said Sirius. "But she's right. You should _always_ do your homework. In fact, why don't you start _right now?_"     

"Don't rush me!" cried James. "I have to leave now, bye!" He ran back up the stairs.     

"Okay, is it just me, or has he been weirder than usual this week?" asked Lily. "I mean, he runs away just about whenever he sees me, and now this homework thing."     

"Don't worry," said Grace, "James is psycho. We all know that. He's probably going through a phase, or something."     

"He does go through phases," said Sirius. "He's got these odd little things. One of his phases was sleeping with one red sock on his left ear. It couldn't be green or blue; it had to be red! Oh, and if it was on his _right ear_, well, you prayed you had ear plugs."     

"Thank you for another Tale from the Crypt," said Grace. "Like Sirius just told us, James is loony."     

"But why does he always say things like 'Don't rush me,' or 'I'm not ready yet,' or 'Ah! Too much pressure!' whenever he sees me?" asked Lily.     

Sirius shrugged, "Queenie's not really good at dating. You'll have to excuse him. He's probably going to get over it eventually. I'll talk to him. You know, help him along a bit."     

Sirius walked off, saying, "The sex god has left the common room!"     

"Why can't James just say something instead of running off faster than a cheetah?" asked Lily.     

"I've said it often enough that Legolas is the only male with a clue," said Grace.     

"Ya know what, Grace? I'm really starting to believe you," said Lily. She got back to her book, but looked up after a few seconds. "Why was he calling James queenie?" 

`*`*`*`

    

"She thinks you hate her now, mate," said Sirius. "Congratulations! You're really good at this romantic thing!"     

"Shut up!" said James. "I feel bad enough- wait, she thinks I hate her?!"     

"Yes, that was the first thing I said, wasn't it?" said Sirius.     

"But I don't hate her! I think she's the greatest thing that ever happened to me!" cried James.     

"Yeah, you think _I_ care? That's the crap you should be telling _her_," said Sirius.     

"I can't believe she thinks I hate her!" said James. "I have to do something about that!"     

"No shit Sherlock," said Sirius.     

"But what can I do?" James asked, sinking into his bed.     

"Do your homework finally," suggested Sirius.     

"I have to show her!" cried James. "I have to prove it! I have to make my _move_!"     

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Why am I even here?"     

James grabbed his invisibility cloak. "Sirius, I have to go! Don't tell anyone where I've gone or what I'm doing!" he shouted, and ran out of the room.     

"Don't worry! I have no idea where the hell you're going anyways!" cried Sirius behind his back.     

"Was that James that almost killed me by knocking me down the stairs?" asked Remus, walking into the room.     

"Yes," said Sirius. "Or at least, I'm pretty sure he's still James."     

"Why? What's wrong with him?" asked Remus, glancing down the stairs.     

"He's suffering from Lily-itus," said Sirius.     

"From what?" asked Remus.     

"It's where your heart starts to take over your brain," said Sirius. "You stop making sense and you run into things a lot, because you don't have eyes in your heart, just arteries."     

"I'm not even going to try and decipher what you just said," said Remus.     

"Believe you me, if you spent five seconds listening to queenie you'd figure out what I mean," said Sirius.     

"I think I'll ask someone else what's going on," said Remus, backing away from Sirius. "Maybe they can tell me."     

"Alright, but don't ask Lily. She's got even less of a clue than you," said Sirius.     

"But she's dating him. Why doesn't she know?" asked Remus.     

"There's lots of things she doesn't know about James," said Sirius.     

"Like…"     

"She doesn't know he's an animagus," said Sirius.     

"Yes, she does!" said Remus.     

"No, she doesn't!" said Sirius.     

"Yes, she does!" Remus repeated.     

"He told her?" cried an outraged Sirius. "Why didn't he ask first?! It's not just _his_ secret!"     

"Sirius, do you remember why Lily and Grace had you take classes in the first place?" asked Remus.     

"Had us? Don't you mean blackmailed? Man, when they found out we were animagus they were so cruel!" cried Sirius.     

Remus nodded expectantly at him.     

"What?" he cried. "Are you saying they should have blackmailed us?"     

Remus sighed. "I'm going to go find someone else."     

"Because I don't think they should have!" Sirius continued saying as Remus closed the door behind him. 

`*`*`*`

    

"Here's someone with a clue!" cried Grace, as Remus walked past them in the common room.     

"Remus, what's wrong with James?" asked Lily.     

"I have no idea. I was going to ask you. I tried asking Sirius, but he's currently oblivious to all around him," replied Remus.     

"He's been like that for his whole life," Grace sighed.     

"You haven't know him his whole life," Remus pointed out.     

"What's your point?" asked Grace.     

"Do you have any idea why he's calling James queenie?" asked Lily.     

"No," said Remus. "I thought you might. I guess no one really has any idea what's going on."     

"Maybe we will later," said Lily.     

"Or maybe we never will," Grace added. 

`*`*`*`

    

"Hey, clueless!" Grace called out to Sirius later at dinner.     

He walked over, Natalie at his side.     

"You screamed?" he said.     

"Yeah, where's James or queenie or whatever his name is today?" asked Grace.     

"Scoot over for Natalie, will you?" he said to Peter, who obliged. "Prongs is currently," he said, sitting down, "doing his homework."     

"Where is he?" asked Lily. "The library?"     

"Quite possibly. Queenie tells me next to nothing," said Sirius.     

"Why are you calling him queenie?" asked Lily.     

"Because he's a bloody drama queen!" said Sirius. He got an evil smirk on his face and added, "Plus some other reasons."     

Grace raised an eyebrow, Lily's jaw dropped, and Natalie looked lost.     

Remus slapped Sirius on the shoulder. "He doesn't do drag! Honestly, Sirius! You're scaring his girlfriend!"     

"And yours too," added Natalie.     

"Look, I have no idea where Prongs is," said Sirius. "He bolted out of the room like there was no tomorrow without an explanation."     

"I hope he's alright!" said Lily. "He seemed like he was delirious or something earlier. Maybe he's sick!"     

"Don't worry," said Grace, "he's not sick."     

"James can be rather… odd sometimes. I wouldn't worry about it. He shows up eventually," reassured Remus.     

"Yeah," said Peter. "He's gone out loads of times. Sometimes he doesn't come back for a few days, but only on weekends!"     

"Today's Saturday!" cried Lily.     

"Great going, Wormy," said Sirius. "Now she's gonna go mental on us."     

"Relax, Lily! He's fine! Don't have a nervy b!" cried Grace.     

"I knew he should have seen Madam Pomfrey! I've been saying it all weekend!" said Lily.     

"No you haven't. You said he was avoiding you because he changed his mind," reminded Grace.     

"What's the difference?" asked Lily.     

"Well-" Sirius started.     

"That was a rhetorical question," Grace frowned.     

"Lily, Peter was over-exaggerating, James is fine. He'll come back soon, I know it," said Remus.     

"Alright," said Lily. "Maybe he'll stop avoiding me when he comes back."     

"He definitely will," said Sirius. 

`*`*`*`

    

Lily woke up later that night to something tapping at her window.     

"Ah!" screamed Grace. "We're under attack!"     

"Grace, wake up! Someone's at the window," said Lily.     

"Oh," said Grace. "Go get them then. I'm going back to sleep." She rolled over onto her other side.     

Lily walked carefully over to the window, and threw back the curtains. When she saw who it was, she quickly opened it.     

"James!" she whisperingly yelled (an oxymoron if I've ever seen one). "Where have you been all day?"     

"Lily Evans," he said, "can I be your knight in shining armor? Of course not in a damsal-in-distress way. More in a there-for-you-when-you-need-me-which-won't-be-often-because-you-are-a-strong-capable-female kind of way."     

At a closer glance, Lily could see that he did indeed have shining armor on. She gave a small smile. "Of course." Her smile became bigger at his sigh of relief. "How'd you get up here?"     

"I'm standing on my broom. Care to join me?" he held out his arms.     

"If I may," she said, crawling out of the window.     

He caught her, and flew down to something.     

"You have a white horse!" cried Lily. "You have a white horse!"     

James smiled. "Do you like it? I thought I needed one for the whole knight thing."     

Lily gave him a huge hug, which was difficult due to his armor.     

"James, this is so sweet!" Lily exclaimed.     

"Well, I know you thought I was avoiding you, but-" he was cut off by another hug, this one knocking him over.     

"You did this to honor my feelings?" she said. "That is the nicest, sweetest…"     

She went on and on, because Lily, as Sirius often said, had memorized the thesaurus.     

"Er, yeah. You deserve it because I think you're… well… great."     

James, Sirius had said as well, had never even seen a thesaurus.     

They then started making out (or snogging, if you're British) for quite some time.     

That was how James knew he'd gotten a perfect score on his homework. 

`*`*`*`

    

"Where's Lily and James?" asked Sirius the next morning at lunch. "They've been sleeping for the entire day, it seems."     

"Well," said Grace, "James did his homework finally. He came to our window last night."     

"He did?" asked Sirius.     

"Something was pounding on our window," said Grace. "It was either him or someone who kidnapped Lily, 'cause I think she left."     

"You _think_?" asked Sirius. "How can you not know?"     

"I was tired! You know how it was all of yesterday! It's hard pretending like I have no idea what's going on!" exclaimed Grace.     

Remus rubbed his chin in thought. "You know, Sirius," he said, "that might explain why you're tired all the time."     

"No, he doesn't pretend," said Grace.     

Sirius pretended to look shocked, but smiled. "So, it was either James or someone kidnapping Lily at the window. That's quite a difference."     

"What?! Someone's kidnapped Lily?!" a voice cried.     

They hadn't noticed James coming up behind them.     

"Yeah, they left a ransom note," said Sirius. "Give two hundred galleons to Sirius Black if you ever want to see your precious Lily again."     

"It did not! It clearly stated that the money should be paid to Grace Greenleaf!" Grace exclaimed.     

"Haha, very funny," said James. "You're all a bunch of comedians. No really, where is Lily?"     

"Sleeping," said Grace. "What happened last night?"     

"Did you make your move?" asked Sirius.     

"I can't say," said James.     

"Why ever not?" asked Sirius.     

"Because Sirius, as you well know, gentleman never kiss and tell," said James.     

"By George, I think he's got it!" said Lily, coming up behind him, and kissing him on the cheek.     

"Lily," said Sirius, "you and Grace have ruined him!"     

"No we haven't," said Grace. "It's an improvement. You'll thank us later."     

"I'd rather burn in hell for all eternity," muttered Sirius.     

"That can be arranged," said Grace.     

"What was that?" asked Sirius, looking taken aback.     

"Honestly," said Grace, "if you were still taking classes, I'd have one on learning to hear things properly."     

"Ah!" cried Sirius. "No more classes! I love women! They are my equals, possibly even better!"     

Grace turned to Lily, "What does he mean _possibly_?" 

`*`*`*`

A/n: this is the final chapter. i only wanted the program to be 12 steps. 

however, i am continuing with a sequel, something i've never done b4. i didn't want grace and sirius 2gether in this 1, but who knows w/ the next 1? it'll be out sometime in january. 

sry it took so long 2 update! i actually sent this chapter to grace 5 weeks ago, and she has yet to give it back. my cousin ended up betta-ing this one for me. 

so u ppl know what's going on, i started a live cuz i can't post just a/n on chapters anymore. 

well, thank u all for reviewing!!!!! 

Bettas: LoverofAllThingsLegolas and Lima Beans 

Thanks to: 

Alex smiley 

Alia 

Alia5 

Alice of Wonderland 

Angl 

Arianna 

BastsCleopatra 

BlueTwilight24 

Bobo SB- u got the LoTR part!!!!! go u! yes, that was definitely put in there on purpose. 

Boy-hating, prank-playing Edana 

br*tney 

canadian/american/brittish 

Carmel March- u understood that part?! yay! love the caps thing. 

Cassandrah Potter 

Céline 

Chicken Stars 

ChickoftheDarkMoon 

Chrissy-tine 

ciss- the next story has WAY more serious scenes. just for u. :) 

citrus scented 

crazyinluv 

Damia - Queen of the Gypsi's 

Demeter, Goddess of Protection 

Dude Wheres My Cheese 

Elven Dagger- i'm glad u liked the compliments! i tried. 

enelya 

Evelyn Halliwell 

flamin-phyinix 

Hanna-chan 

Horse-Obssesed 

hpfan20507 

i o u a name- i hope this chapter was as funny as the last 1 ~crosses fingers~ 

icy2 

irina 

Kat44- yeah it's a great movie! 

Kirunai 

kitkat 

Lady J. 

Lady Tiffy 

Lima Beans- i think i got the message. 

Little House Girl 

Lololchik- yeah he is! lol 

Lorelei6- i'd probably beat him up 2, after i finished laughing. 

lovely 

LunaMoon7- sirius is a "sex god" so he knows ALL about complimenting, james learned in... well, he didn't learn at all. 

lYdoSpaRklyLemOnDroP 

macedonia 

Manny2003 

Melly 

MoonFaith 

Moonlight and Midnight 

Musicizdbest 

Neo-Queen Serenity 

Nike25 

OriginalProxy 

Paddycake- i think ur the first guy that's actually reviewed! THIS is the last chapter. but i'll try 2 lighten up on them in the next story. note, i said TRY. 

peachiez- i'm glad u like it! 

PhoenixTears 

Princess Pixie ice 

QoF 

rosezgarden 

RvnclwPrincess 

sailorsunandchildofthesun- sry, that part WAS confusing 

sissy-6- i think ur the only person who understood that part!!!!! go u! 

Sparxlie Pixie 

Spirit Of Elements- glad u like it! 

starblaze 

Stormie Night 

Swabewwy ChocoAngel 

Sweet Strawberri 

SweetLilAngel677 

Swishy Willow Wand 

TeArS oF fAtE 

The Bronze Snidget- love the name of the reading list! it made me laugh. 

ThreeEaredBunny 

Tiger12 

Tribal Leader 

Unhealthily-Obsessed- i'm glad u like the compliments. maybe i should try them on ppl... 

whatdyasay? 

Willow23- commended? i feel so special. 

xCriscrossx 

Yael M. 

Yugi's Little Sister 

Zoey 

zwizwi 


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